DPM's diary 9 February 2007

Weekly round up of events at Bodcaster City Council

Monday

I don't know if you have heard, but there is a new version of an operating system out. It adds a whole new dimension to the control the company has over your PC and makes the display look well, just like a Jobsjob.

And all you need to do is transfer another £300 of your hard earned cash to a firm that already has more money than it knows what to do with. No wonder everyone says, "Wow!"

Tuesday

Meanwhile, here in the churnless world of open sauce-loving Bogcaster City Council, we are struggling with the budget cuts that have been ordered. We need to raise the money to pay for our consultants and their business process re-engineering programme, which is designed to save money, by the way.

The IT department is central to our transformation programme. Yes, we transform alright. You should see what happens to Dave on a Friday night when he gets a few pints inside him.

Angst and Jung's project plans call for an enterprise-wide workflow system. Trouble is, we can't find a fully functioned open sauce alternative to the strictly Microshaft-only leading brand they are suggesting.

Wednesday

"What we could do is reverse engineer their product and implement it as our own thing over Linux," suggested Charlie.

"Surely that would be against the law?" I queried.

"Well, technically, yes," he admitted.

"So I want to hear no more about reverse engineering, OK?" I said.

Alright, we won't do that but"

"No," I interrupted, "Listen carefully. I said 'I want to hear no more' - you understand?"

"Perfectly."

Thursday

Mavis was muttering about her friend who works in the Bogcaster Mutual headquarters across the city who has been saying she is getting a new Vista next week.

"Well you can have yours today!" I announced, pushing her chair across the room so she faced the window and looked directly down on the slaughter house yard below.

Friday

Regional meeting of Asslic today featured a presentation from Government Contricks, a wholly owned subsidy of the Ashton under Lyne Development Corporation.

A new feature of this increasingly Byzantine project is the idea that boxes sold to councils last year are now useless as the security services won't let them send Christmas greetings to anyone in Whitehall over the internet. Everything must now go via a security-cleared dedicated closed intranet.

That's open, efficient government for you.

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