DPM's diary 3 April 2007

Weekly round up of events at Bodcaster City Council

Monday

At last I have a modern light-weight Tosh laptop with just Linux on it that does power management properly, Wi-Fi, plays my DVDs and everything. Thank you Ubuntu. Now if I could just get rid of the Lion King music on boot up....

Tuesday

Laptop stolen from the passenger seat of the Jag as I went to pay for the fuel. When I called the police they came round and arrested me under the anti-terrorist legislation.

I was informed I could be held in prison without charge for up to 28 days. Sounds a bit like that all-inclusive package holiday to an island in the Maldives Mavis wants us to go on.

Anyway, the bacon sandwiches in Bogcaster nick are excellent. They let me read the papers and people are very nice. All in all much better than sweltering heat, burning sun and third-rate Thai food with sand in it.

Wednesday

Released this morning with apologies. No need to say sorry really, the fried breakfast was excellent. Apparently the Police National Computer has installed one of those semantic engines and Ubuntu is a synonym for ... well I better not say or they will bang me up again, plus no doubt most of the editorial team at Campup Weakly.

Anyway, in the absence of assistance from the police, I got Mavis to organise the retrieval of my laptop. Not difficult. There it was on eBay.

All we had to do was post a winning bid and then send Young Peter, a couple of his mates, and their baseball bats around to collect it.

Thursday

Local election time here at Bogcaster once again. We are a pilot for the new secure voting technology. To participate in the election voters need to register their DNA. You can have a swab taken at the health centre, post office or any branch of Car Phone Wherehouse.

Then when you come to the polling station you just spit into a specially designed USB-connected funnel device and your ballot comes up on the touch screen.

Friday

Trial run of the new voting system. User response is good. Some voters got so enthusiastic they spat on the screens and the returning officers as well. There are some teething troubles though. Postal votes tend to be rather soggy.

Also those who got away with rape, murder and other serious crimes before DNA forensics are in effect disenfranchised. Turns out that this group includes most of our current councillors.

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