DPM's diary 11 July 2006

C P Bound

Monday

There are no programmers any more; only a dwindling band of ageing men and women slyly slipping a few bits of C++ here and there into the cracks in the great parameterised global information framework.

I interviewed some joker this morning who said he programmed in Oracle. That is like saying opening a tin of beans is cooking. I asked him if he knew who Von Neumann was. After a pause, he said that he wasn't sure, but thought it might be a 1970s heavy metal band.

Of course there is Dave, the only person I know outside of academia who still writes his own drivers. But Dave represents a dying breed. When he is gone, I am not sure how we will maintain our coffee machine network.

Tuesday

Strangely, we are back to more or less full complement in the office. I think this might have something to do with… well, as a good Scot maybe I shouldn't mention it. After all, we did not even qualify.

Mind you, I do wonder what has happened to all those silly white hand towels with red crosses on them. Occasionally a car still goes past with a few tattered remnants flapping from a white plastic stick secured to the window. Presumably the owner is too stupid to work out how to remove the thing.

Wednesday

Talking about gratuitous and offensive chauvinism, what is happening to the British computer industry? Or indeed, is there still a British computer industry?

These days our system boxes are assembled in Ireland from Far Eastern and US components; our screens are made in Malaysia; printers come from Taiwan; comms kit from Denmark and Germany. I will get Mavis to see if we actually source anything from the UK. After all, it is UK taxpayers who are paying for our stuff.

Thursday

Mavis reports that only one of our regularly procured items is manufactured in the UK. Our "Bogcaster City IT Service - here to help!" embossed mouse mats are made in Barnsley. The company is a world leader, apparently.

Friday

Had a meeting with the head of economic development to talk over the prospects for Bogcaster City Council setting up its own PC manufacturing plant. He did not think much of our chances of competing successfully against brands such as Dull and Poshiba.

"Suppose we put a Cross of St George on each one and called them, say, Britannia?"

"Hmm, might be worth a shot," he agreed. "Provided you launch in 42 months' time and throw in a high-definition TV tuner."