What a load of nonsense these namby pamby scientist types talk.
Wi-Fi bad for you? What rubbish. The idea that low-level radiation exposure might cause depression or mental instability is plainly wrong. You have only to look at the evidence.
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If ever there was a group exposed to this stuff it is us - the IT community. Now when did you ever hear of an IT worker who wasn't completely sane, well balanced and contented?
Then again, there might be something in this.
Dave is still on the wagon. Some days, like today, he reluctantly accompanies Mavis, Charlie and I when I announce that "for security reasons" the departmental management meeting should be held in the back bar of the Flea and Faceache. Despite this temptation, his resolve remains undiminished.
Undiminished, indeed, even in the face of Hobson's fine session bitter, with which we three slake our thirst as Dave solemnly sips his way through lemonade sweet enough to dissolve dental enamel on impact. Sobriety has made Dave more predictable, but he still comes up with some very off-the-wall project suggestions.
The trouble is, these days he tends to get them through, the rest of us being at a disadvantage - in my case a differential of five pints.
In the cold light of morning Mavis' draft minutes of yesterday's meeting make worrying reading. "Agreed: raise the issue of Bogcaster becoming the country's first open sauce city with the mayor. Action: CPB."
My interview in the lord mayor's parlour went better than expected.
Lord mayors in Bogcaster, as in most places, change every year. Holders of the office are generally long-serving councillors who otherwise have not, and plainly will not, achieve any kind of eminence and who, in consequence, have aroused the sympathy of their peers.
They have little power other than deciding on twinning and city-branding initiatives, like "Bogcaster - Britain's First Open Sauce City".
Anyway, it went better than any meeting I have had with our past mayors. For a start, no attempt was made to sexually assault me nor, this my second most common experience, was I sold a raffle ticket. Moreover, he went for it. I think he thought it was something to do with culinary garnishing, but, no matter, he went for it.
On advice from Edgar Blondale and a number of far more illustrious open sauce gurus, I decided to form the Open Sauce Cities Movement. I have always wanted to found a movement, especially when the constipation is bad.