DPM's Diary 31 October 2006

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DPM's Diary 31 October 2006

Monday

Had to stop Mavis from putting up Christmas decorations this morning. Admittedly the Christmas party season has already started, but this is just a matter of good programme management.

There are only eight Fridays left until Christmas and more than 17 departmental parties to schedule in. The Planning Department was first out of the hat this year and so had its Christmas do on 28 July could it be we are over using that programme management software?

 

Tuesday

Review meeting to discuss progress on the robotic bin project. The next stage should be a wider roll-out, but we need to be sure we have the risks under control.

There are signs that the AI engine is developing faster than anticipated. Dave had predicted that by limiting the processing power and storage in the on-board computers, the bins could never evolve more than primitive intelligence. And yet, after just a couple of weeks, the 150 bins in the beta test group have already evolved their own communication language, as well as mastering English, Polish and Mandarin.

Yesterday we discovered that they have their own religion, "Davidism", and have divided into three sociopolitical groupings. We have another 35,000 new bins waiting at the depot, but I decided it might be wise not to switch them on just yet.

 

Wednesday

Mavis is still whining on about getting a tree and putting up red ribbons. I have worked out what it is. As a fashionable young woman, she is currently having to wear nothing but grey. A red and green background is the only way she can look her best.

 

Thursday

I received an e-mail this morning from someone called Dusty who wants to know if he can have a week off to go to a waste management conference in Bracknell. Must be a robot, no human being would volunteer to go to Bracknell. I said sorry, but no he was to stay put and eat rubbish.

 

Friday

Usama Bin Loadin rang from the depot to say that the bins are on the move. Someone must have switched them on first thing this morning and, now their photovoltaic panels have had a chance to charge up their batteries, they are trundling through the gates. Anyone trying to stop them is attacked with snapping lids or is pushed to the ground. Is this the end of human mastery of the planet? Can we and the intelligent wheelie bins somehow find a way to coexist as equals?

Tune in next week....


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This was first published in October 2006

 

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