DPM's diary: 18 December 2007

Catch up with the events from Bogcaster City Council

Monday

Dave handed me my new CPF this morning, so I am tooled up and ready to go. CPF? You mean you don't have one? Well, we are not talking anything as accessible as an iPhone here. This is a real hardcore techo-gadget for the seriously discerning. Of course, like all true luxury products, a CPF is bespoke and exclusive. Exclusive to me that is. We may decide to bring a production model to market next year, but for now just cry with anguished envy you sad inadequate lot, because only I have my own Christmas Party Finder.

Tuesday

A little unsteady after the Social Care Management Team Christmas lunch. I was the principal guest - these toadies will do anything for a new system. Offers included free residential care for my demented years and an Asbo on a young person of my choice. Anyway, CPF flawlessly guided me, via its pre-planned loo stop, to the next event - the Planning Department's party. Lots of booze, all supplied gratis by Tesco for some reason.

Wednesday

CPF kicked in early this morning and took me to the Lord Mayor's sherry reception at 11.00. Then it was off to the Slag and Letskiss for a lunchtime Christmas networking session organised by the Bogcaster branch of the BCS. Not particularly inspiring, though it was a good opportunity to get some of my subscription returned via the free bar. After this I definitely needed CPF to navigate me on to the Housing Department's party at the Bog Arms. These guys throw a great party, though I don't remember that much of it.

Thursday

Awakened this morning by staff banging on the bolted door of the Housing Advice Centre. I tried to explain that housing adviser Thelma had brought me here after the party to show me how her applications could be functionally improved. "That's a new name for it," they said.

I suppose the fact that I was dressed only in the lower half of a Santa outfit and her in the upper portion of the same, tended to reduce the credibility of my explanation. CPF was bleeping, but I thought it only right to take Thelma home and help her rediscover her confidence.

Friday

Our own party was rather a disappointment. Though some things do work well in Second Life, office Christmas parties are not one. I did get to talk to lots of "people", I "danced" with some and even transported to a secluded nudist beach with one for an immoral purpose, but none of this distracted from the reality of me alone with a bottle of scotch and a couple of cold sausage rolls.




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