DPM's Diary 23 October 2007

The reverberations from last week's Asslic conference continue

Monday

The reverberations from last week's Asslic conference continue. Krate Molehill, the association's supreme commander for life, calls to ask if I will be paying for the damage. Typical - talk about giving a dog a bad name. Fortunately, I was able to prove that it was not me. I was also able to recall seeing Chrisis Ahead looking even more sheepish than usual as he slipped out of the Crown Bar with an Irish dancer tucked under each arm just before the flames took hold.

Tuesday

I was gearing up to let go of our contract social care project manager, but it proved unnecessary. After just over a week in the post his hair had first turned white and then dropped out. Yesterday, I found him hunched over his desk and sobbing uncontrollably. This morning he made a presentation to the regular monthly meeting of the social care department's administration officers - all 1,506 of them. They are very inclusive in that department. It is not often you get to punt a project initiation document in a football stadium. Three hours of discussion followed on the acceptability or otherwise of the word "project". In the end they passed a motion that concluded that it was a term "redolent with male imperialist assumptions" and "incompatible with our commitment to diversity".

Wednesday

We understand the funeral will be next Thursday. The contractor's that is. There is talk of some kind of memorial. I know he had only been with us a few days, but he had made a big impression. As indeed he did on the chief executive's new Mercedes when he leapt from the roof of the building.

Thursday

Charlie and I agree that we cannot in all conscience get in another outsider to lead the social care project - or as we are now supposed to call it the social care consultative process initiative. At least if one of us does it we will know what to expect. Trouble is, that means the lucky appointee tends to do anything to escape. You know the kind of thing: join the Foreign Legion, volunteer to open a new branch of M&S in Basra, take a job with Crapthemandi. Not since Blind Pew took delivery of the black spot has a notification of change of personal prospects been less well received.

Friday

We have appointed Sally as our new social care project manager. She did post conditions, including the one that says no member of the project team will have any contact with a social worker or any of their friends and relations. That should work.

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