DPM's diary: 17 July 2007

Weekly round-up of events at Bogcaster Council

Monday

Day off and a round at the county followed by several at the 19th. Disgusted to find the bar advertising itself as a Wi-Fi hotspot. Is nothing sacred?

Tuesday

At the Bogcaster Forum, a modern hotel of little pretension to comfort and absolutely no style, for the team management course. Guess what? The first thing we do is a drama school exercise.

I do not mind putting on a silly hat, but I do not care for personal grooming with my colleagues other than Samantha the HR director that is. But what Charlie and Dave would think if I called them to a meeting and started running my fingers through their hair, I am not sure. I suppose they might like it. Unlikely, and probably best avoided.

Wednesday

Lunch with our new HR director, Samantha Daisoone.

"Yes, I really enjoyed the training session yesterday, Samantha," I lied.

"Please! Call me, Sam," she cooed over the risotto.

I ordered a second bottle of chianti and decided I might like some HR people after all. A fully automated recruitment system? Why not - it is only a question of careful scripting.

Thursday

I have dropped Arse as the name for the new recruitment system. I doubt that is what Sam wants on her CV. My new name is System for Engineering Local Employee Choice Transactions or, in more manageable form, Select.

I have also changed the internal objectives: the secret note I give the project manager along with the user terms of reference which tells them what we in IT really want to achieve. Initially it had said, "Screw HR." Although this sentiment still has a tinge of relevance, a more subtle approach is called for in the light of er changing circumstances. My new direction reads, "Make sure it is a wonderfully innovative solution that will make the HR director famous... and very grateful."

Friday

Call a departmental team meeting. No grooming involved, but I do announce that from now on I will be setting everyone monthly personal development targets which will be the subject of 360° reviews.

There was an embarrassed silence, which was eventually broken by Mavis saying, "What he means is he wants us all to be better people and to do this we will go round and round until we disappear up our own"

"Yes, well," I interrupted. "How is the new automated recruitment system going, Charlie? Only I have to see Sam on Monday to give her a progress report."

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