DPM's diary: 14 November 2006

Weekly round up of events at Bodcaster City Council


Historic day. The first summit of world leaders to be held in a council works depot. Also the first time world leaders, George Bush included, have had to talk to a group of wheelie bins.

Dave says the bins, now with intelligence beyond our comprehension, probably regard us in the same way we regard plants. I’ve always felt that way about Bush.


Project board review meeting for Automated Recycling Support Environment. The world as we know it may well be about to end, but that does not mean that the procedural requirements of Prince2 project management methodology can be ignored.

Dave reports that the bins are functioning to specification. They continue to accept sorted domestic rubbish and trundle off to the waste transfer unit in the depot to empty themselves. So, as Dave put it, the project has met all its objectives and is an unqualified success.

Some board members thought that the fact the bins have taken over the world’s communication, information and command systems, ending the supremacy of humans on the planet, suggested the project was a failure. However, it was explained to them that these were extraneous issues outside the scope of the project as defined by its initiation document, so they did not count.


The bins have commandeered several plastic moulding and electronics factories around the world and are replicating their existence many times over.
They already control all the government and military systems on the planet.

Resistance is futile. Rumours are circulating that humans are being fitted with control chips, designed by the bins, that will enslave us to whatever purpose they have.

I suspect that those that won’t or can’t adapt to this new lower form of existence will be eradicated, in much the same way as we treat weeds in our gardens.


All media and communication systems went dead last night. This morning there is no electricity. Even our backup generators have had their power-up routines overwritten and are not functioning. Zombie-like humans with electronic devices inserted in their right ears have appeared in the streets. They are herding people into trucks. This is the...


Meanwhile, in a parallel universe, Mavis is off sick again and Dave and I pop down to the Flea and Faceache for a few lunchtime jars. I think we might be too far gone for tonight’s BCS branch meeting.

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