Y2K: the biggest non- event of all time

Unless someone dies as a result of the Millennium Bug, it's not newsworthy

Unless someone dies as a result of the Millennium Bug, it's not newsworthy

Karl Feilder

Amazing. Absolutely incredible. The last few weeks blend as I consider the "Nothing". Maybe you've heard about him. You've surely seen stories about the Nothing?

My first meeting with the Nothing was on BBC TV.

The powder itched in its vain attempt to stop the rivers of moisture waterfalling over my nose - and this wasn't "oh-no-I'm-on-TV sweat". It was just bloody hot. The make-up mudpie in the chair next to me was asking the questions. "So Karl, what's become of the much heralded Millennium Bug?"

And I showed her. I opened my laptop of the year (so far), and brought up a long list of "happenings", including 17 incidents at nuclear power stations and my favourite - the control rod software that "malfunctioned".

Suddenly I felt a cold draught. A shiver slithered down my spine. There he was right next to me. The Nothing, waiting just off-camera, ready to make his entrance stage left.

And Melanie Mudpie introduced him as an old friend. "So Karl, the Bug hasn't really bitten has it? In fact Nothing has happened."

And you know what? She wasn't being antagonistic - she genuinely thought that my long list amounted to the big Nothing. And so it continued. Bouncing from TV to radio, the tabloid press had to have a go. "The biggest non-event of all time" they shouted from their front pages.

The Nothing is picking up fans around the world. The Aussie's Small Business Association paid their annual membership to the Nothing Club, joined with the Turbo Gun Lobby Nutters in the US, and demanded a public enquiry into the waste of money - money spent on a hoax.

And that's where I lost it. Sorry ladies and gents, but I can cope with the Nothing, so long as one uses his full name: Nothing-Much-Yet. But calling Y2K a "hoax" is simply deranged, mindless and utterly bonkers.

If you have read my dribblings over the last few years, you'll know this is what I foretold. I was right, but the media continue to get it wrong.

So now I simply ask, "How many people would they like to die in a Y2K event? Maybe, just maybe, they could read what the experts wrote pre-2000 and attempt to understand. Or maybe I should wait a few months, polishing the old cliche: I told you so.

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