DPM’s diary: 11 September

The latest from Bogcaster Council

Monday

As heat of summer turns to chill of autumn, the lotus eaters straggle back to their place of torment. Complete with bright orange tan, new T-shirt emblazoned with the location of their pleasures and, in many cases, at least one new STD, the young lions and lionesses of the development team will, I know, eventually resign themselves to their true calling and start to cut some code.

For the time being, however, our returning heroes are taking time to adjust. They wear sunglasses in the office and hang around the coffee machine languidly, trying to interest their fellows in poor quality holiday snaps of them mooning in the club or skinny-dipping in Greek island coves.

Tuesday

A letter arrives from Asslic giving further details of its annual conference, which this year goes abroad for the first time. No, not the Isle of Wight, they are in linen city - Belfast. Could anything be more calculated to undo all that hard work and re-ignite the troubles? Here is a province blighted by decades of sectarian strife and some idiot wants to bring Asslic to the place. Imagine the consequences - Microshaft B specials beating provisional open saucers on the streets.

Wednesday

Charlie reports that most of the development staff have started to work again. Especially now that we have installed anti-vandal paint on the fire escape.

The issue we face in consequence is do we have enough work for them? Plenty of stuff in the maintenance backlog, of course, but - hey that is just the stuff for the users. We need something more challenging.

Thursday

Management team meeting to discuss what new projects we should initiate. The meeting was attended by our new business development manager, Irene.

"Why don't we go around the departments and ask them what they want from us?" she suggested.

Well, we were restrained and polite in our response, but the atmosphere turned more than a tad frosty, as you can image. I can see we are going to have trouble with that woman.

Friday

Having been in the office for a whole week, I was in dire need of a break. It is not a good time of the year for seminars and the like, but Mavis found this event at Big Blue in Hurtme called "Visualise, virtualise and vaseline", which demonstrated how the application of soothing oils can help storage area network designers achieve greater volumes.

Not sure in the end whether it was computing or pornography they were talking about.

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