DPM's diary: 6 March 2007

Weekly round up of events at Bodcaster City Council

Weekly round up of events at Bodcaster City Council

Monday

With Lintus Twovalue’s prodigy becoming ever more numerous we are finding that our Linux techies are in demand.

This is despite the fact they tend to have the social skills of a chimpanzee. Actually, come to think of it, chimpanzees communicate more effectively, are less aggressive and very much tidier.

So, incredibly, we are losing our techies to the headhunters. I think they are offering them bigger, meatier pizzas and better, faster gaming systems.

Most of our techies do not need money as such. You see, they never actually leave the basement for fear of being caught out in the daylight and shrivelled up by the big red flame thing in the sky.

As long as the internet connection is fast enough, the pizza place and the off licence deliver, and we do not block their porn and gaming sites... well they just keep on working.

We do pay the basement cleaners a special rate, but that is another story.

Tuesday

Dave came into the office fuming. He lost another techie to some dodgy agency. They arrived this morning and took Dwain away in a sealed box. They offered him an imported PS3 console as a sweetener.

Wednesday

Dave introduced me to Red Andallover, UK operations vice-president, and Gravel Pitt, European technical design director, of local start-up Betnazel (company slogan: “Bet on our nose and we will blow you away”).

They have some open sauce capacity that we might need to plug the gaps. Most unlike our techies, these two were wearing suits and ties. Mind you, they did look most uncomfortable in them and I could not help thinking they had been dressed by their mothers before being sent off to work with a packed lunch and neatly folded hankie. Mavis said they were cute.

Thursday

Mavis reminded me this morning that it is time we carried out the annual customer satisfaction survey. “Surely not,” I objected. “It seems like only yesterday we did the last one – when was that?” “August 1998.”

FridayStill sweating over the construction of the customer survey questionnaire. I took my design cue from horticulture.

The key to success is companion planting. For example, when standing alone, the question “How do you rate the IT service?” produces a poor crop, but when planted between “Are you hoping to get a new PC from us this year” and “Would you consider being one of our guests at the Gratener symposium in Cannes?” the produce is much healthier.

Missed an instalment of the DPM’s adventures? Catch up online

www.computerweekly.com/dpmdiary


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