Ofcom learns secret of time travel, uses it for really boring consultation

Ofcom CEO Sharon White has discovered the secret of time travel, or so it would appear from a consultation document released on 13 August by the telecoms regulator.

The revelation that Ofcom has access to technology that baffles modern-day science was tucked away in a dense and lengthy preamble to new guidance on the minimum margin BT must maintain between its wholesale and retail broadband charges:

“On 19 March 2015, we published a statement setting out detailed requirements on the
minimum margin and guidance on how we would assess compliance with those obligations. That guidance anticipates that there might be material changes in circumstances which would warrant a departure from that guidance,” said the statement. So far so Ofcom.

“In June 2016, BT announced changes to its BT Sport retail proposition. These changes are linked to BT beginning to broadcast UEFA football from August 2015.”

Downtime reached out to BT’s press office for comment on the implications of the regulator having access to a time machine, and was told that surely any time traveller worth their salt would go back to last month and put a lot of money on the Ashes.

This is clear evidence of exactly the lack of ambition that is holding back the UK communications sector!

Clearly if the time machine was in BT’s hands and not Ofcom’s, it could be used to go back in time, win big on the outcome of various sporting events, and scrape together enough money to roll out ultrafast FTTP broadband services to every home in Britain!

Computer Weekly says Ofcom should relinquish control of its time machine to BT’s Adastral Park boffins immediately, for the greater good.