Whitehall power brokers pick at Open Sores

Sir Bonar Neville-Kingdom is about as reliable a source as a Libdem election promise or a Tory public service.

The ostensible data sharing tzar has nevertheless published a book of absurd tweets that might help distract you, if but momentarily, from the despair of working another January day in the pay of some tyrannical bureaucrat or despotic bourgeois.

They are as reliable as a Blairite dodgy dossier, but a single Sir Bonar tweet is said still to contain more truth than a whole year of government press releases. That’s despite the fact that they’re all utterly untruthful, especially the ones about private companies who might sue for libel.

But don’t buy the book, ffs. It’s sad enough that you are reading this blog.

We read it so you don’t have to. Here’s what he had to say about open source in government.

“Microsoft advise me that all this Open Source business is overrated. Fine for fanatics, but not for serious business.”

“Indeed, one hardly gets invited to Lords by Open Office plc, does one?”

“We in the civil service feel that the OpenOffice and suchlike are perhaps more appropriate for the voluntary sector and the Third World.”

“I am also advised that Open Source software is unAmerican, and using it therefore possibly prejudicial to the Special Relationship.”

“I find the public spiritedness of government’s major IT suppliers encouraging; hear-warming, in fact.”

“It’s a fine day at the Oval, and circumstances are very propitious for discussing the achievements of the CRB working with Capita.”

“By Capita’s projections, 80,000 incidents of abuse have been saved by the interventions of the CRB – my, that one turned!”

“It would be ludicrous to suggest that conduct could be influenced by the offer of a meal or attendance at a function.”

“I’ve just received some apparently extremely important documents sent by Sir Tim Berners-Lee. I look forward to reading them.”

“We’ve had them sent out to be converted into Microsoft Word. Patricia can print them out and I’ll have a look.”

“Just had a excellent luncheon courtesy of our friends at FACT (the Federation Against Copyright Theft) UK. They do the most tremendous work.”

“EDS are the most fearful bores and Experian are somewhat arriviste. The best catering is done by a firm called Trafigura.”

“EMC’s top brass keep telling me about Data Whorehouses. Is this some kind of Texan joke?”