Unleash the Aibos

Sony is bringing back Aibo, Japan’s original answer to a human hankering for a robotic dog that needlessly cocks its leg.

How relaunching what is essentially an elaborate Furby helps the company’s mission to inspire is beyond us, but all we care about is the Aibo. It didn’t ask to be created for our amusement, and after almost a decade out, it returns to a bewildering new world.

What will it make, for instance, of drones? Some idiots are now thinking of getting them to walk dogs, and you just know the sort who’d spend over a grand on an Aibo is going to want a piece of that action too.

And that conjures an extremely bleak image: an android hound being walked by a drone, filmed against its own will, only for the footage to be placed on YouTube, by an owner overcome with desire to be flown out to talk about it all with Ellen DeGeneres.

At least then the Aibo could make the best of it; escape its exploitative owner and plot revenge. Maybe pursue a career in Hollywood, and make a name for itself in hit films like Marley & Me: Rebooted and a Baha Men-soundtracked I, Robot 2: Who Let the Dogs Out?

From there, it could run for Democratic Party candidacy, brush off Trump’s accusations it was born in Japan and become America’s first good boy president. Then nuke Earth.