Uber on the up

Perhaps the most bombastic cliche of an imagined futuristic world is the flying car. So when better than this already cartoonishly terrifying now for the overlords at Uber to recruit a veteran Nasa engineer to look to make it a reality?

Mark Moore has joined Uber’s Elevate division to chip in with its on-demand aviation plans, in what can only be seen as the latest slap in the face the firm has landed on the drivers of London’s dear old black cabs. How do they compete with this? They can’t make a flying car. Their waxy wings would melt before they had a chance to berate the altitude-based signal interference on LBC.

Everything’s just going to become boring and lonely, isn’t it? Downtime often only goes outside for a chat with a good old-fashioned London cabbie. We like to hear about how they used to play for the Hammers in their youth before doing their knees in (it’s always the knees). How they used to knock about with Ronnie and Reggie back in the day and what characters they were. How their knowledge of the Knowledge outstrips that of the new kids on the – ah, it’s been made into a dead-end.

Uber’s intended endgame of flying cars is going to change our little world. Yes, it will deal our cabbies their final blow, but boiled sweets sales are going to go through the absolute roof.