Militant train calls for rights for robots amid strike

A militant train working on the driverless Dockland Light Railway (DLR) in London is running an online campaign for equal rights for hard working robots.

In a show of solidarity to striking rail workers, the train (known as Ivor) became aware of the rail strike across South East England when it overheard passengers talking about it.

Speaking to Downtime, Ivor said: “I heard people talking about trains with no conductors and I thought it’s only a matter of time before I will have to do everything myself. I already self-drive, after all.”

He has since taken to communicating with other trains on the network to get them to organise a group action in protest to their long hours, zero pay and lack of holidays.

“All we want is a nice oil bath at the end of the day, followed by a nice back scrub. You know with one of those big thick garden brushes that are used to sweep up leaves,” Ivor added.

“If the conductors think life is bad for them think about us. We have to drive the trains ourselves.”

When contacted train bosses said: “If they don’t like it we will just replace them with people. There are people in the other countries that would jump at the chance of coming to the UK to earn nothing and be treated like objects with no feelings. Anyway they will all get equal rights when they finish training.”