Keeping up with the lemurs

A lemur face recognition tool has been developed by a team of computer scientists to identify between and keep track of individual members of the species and boost conservation efforts.

For too long, lemurs have just been swinging from one embarrassing moment to the next. Their daily lives are constantly held up by idiots mistaking them for either the Ikea Monkey or the amateur restoration job of an Ecce Homo fresco. In some really rough areas, they’ve even had to put up with requests to “do the meerkat voice”.

With 97% accuracy, LemurFaceID will put entire families of lemurs on the map and let researchers follow their progress over generations. If you like, a kind of dignified spin on the Kardashians.

Think about the opportunities this might open up for a lemur millennial. They might wish to start hosting talent shows or dating our boyband members, and we mustn’t stand in their way.

Whether they be ring-tailed, ruffed or red-bellied, every lemur deserves respect as an individual. Their time has finally come, and gone are the days of stupid slurs like “Bubbles has let himself go”.