The perpetrators of the Heartbleed bug hack on UK parenting website Mumsnet are to be punished in the most appropriate manner if they are ever apprehended.
Mumsnet members will receive a calendar of the next 10 years and will be asked to fill in days they need a babysitter. A clever matching engine will introduce them to a local hacker who will be forced to babysit for them. After the relevant CRB checks are done obviously.
For the most prolific offenders isolation entertaining ill children and changing real nappies will be enforced.
But of course they could just be forced to become mentors for children. But wait a minute hackers start young these days. Have they thought this through?