Handle in the wind

If you haven’t met Handle yet, Handle’s the latest robot to be delivered by the benign storks at Boston Dynamics, an intensely creepy subsidiary of not-so-proud parent Google.

How does one describe Handle? Handle is very well-built and tall in stature, no less than when it stands up on its wheeled hind legs. It picks stuff up, and it glides around with said stuff at about 9mph. It makes very light work of steps.

Handle is graceful in its every movement, like the scandalous lovechild of Wayne Sleep and Matilda from Robot Wars we’ve all been waiting for. But that’s the kind of robot that’ll get us, isn’t it?

A booming, menacing git with machine guns for arms is too obvious. Robots would dispose of us with total panache. They’d flounce up and down our streets a bit first, like this new kid on the block. They’d limber up. They’d crouch down into our faces and fling our prized possessions through neighbouring roofs. Then kill us.

We understand why Google wants to get rid of Boston Dynamics. It must be hard enough as it is trying to win the world’s trust while tip-toeing through literally every piece of information about everyone everywhere. It might be able to do its thing a bit quieter without these nerve-wracking machines loitering around in the background, asking it for tenners and help with homework.