Ousted IT blogger on recruitment agencies

This is part 3 of our series of blogs written by an IT worker that has lost out in an offshoring deal. Last week the blogger talked about the trouble with jobcentres and this week he describes his experience of recruitment agencies.

See part 1 and part 2

Situation: vacant

by  I.T. Jobseeker

I was taking a break from the ads on Jobserve and CWJobs one afternoon last week. I had already made several applications earlier in the day, and although one or two seemed like good prospects, the rest were purely speculative. My mobile rang.

‘Hi’, said a smooth, syrupy voice. ‘This is Justin of Smarmalot Recruitment.

Is that I.T. Jobseeker?’

‘Yes’, I said, ‘that’s me.’

‘How’ya doin’, I.T.?’, he asked.

Before I could answer, he went on: ‘I’ve got your CV.  Thanks for sending it in’.

I recalled the role that his agency were dealing with. It was a speculative one. ‘So you think that I’m suitable for that role in the city?’, I asked, hopefully.

‘Well, possibly not, but I’m sure that I can place somebody with your sort of skills. What’s your availability?’

‘Yesterday’, I told him, and explained about my redundancy.

‘Well, your skills are in demand, you’ve had good experience and your CV looks great. Well presented. All the right facts in the right places.’

I wondered why would-be employers were not beating a path to my door, only to be blinded by the intense rays of light that must shine from my…   

‘What I am going to do is to ring my contacts in (he listed the names of many FTSE-100 financial companies) and tell them you’re available’, he gushed.

Was this the Simon Cowell of the recruitment industry?

‘Before I do, though, can I ask you a question?’

‘Fire away.’

‘Why have you never sent your CV to Smarmalot before?’

‘I’d never heard of you’, I told him, ‘but don’t worry, I have now.’

‘And you will hear a lot more of us, that’s for sure. Tell all your friends to send us their CV’s. I’ll be in touch soon. Ciao, I.T.’ he said.

‘Good to talk to…’, he had already hung up.

Another day, another agency.  Yesterday morning, Gary of Shaftum Recruitment called to discuss a role I had applied for. Speaking with a patter honed in the used car lots of South London, he told me that he thought his client might be interested in me. He said he could see from my CV that I’d had most of the experience required.

Presumably I could blag the rest?

‘There’s just one thing.’, he said.

‘What’s that?’

‘Your CV. It’s naff. I’m gonna need to change it and reformat it somehow. Then I might be able to send it off.’, he said, condescendingly.

I wonder how Justin is getting on.  







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