Enema at the Gates

The Conservatives’ doctored version of Keir Starmer’s Good Morning Britain interview left out our favourite bit: an arms-folded Piers Morgan insisting he’s “absolutely fine” with 26 billionaires owning as much as the planet’s poorest 50% because the likes of Bill Gates have given a lot to charity.

That’s not to have a pop at Bill Gates. His foundation does in fact part with about £4bn a year, which makes him one of our nicest billionaires. But when you realise Gates’s net worth increased by almost £14bn in 2019, Morgan’s unbounded commitment to spouting fawning casuistry for rich, powerful men is plain for all to see.

Even Harry Enfield’s Tory Boy would struggle to defend the rate at which Gates and every other major tech billionaire saw their wealth swell this year (punch-drunk divorcé Jeff Bezos aside). Their philanthropy might well extend further than that pathetic Waitrose token kingmaker routine of yours, but this isn’t as much about the goodness of individual billionaire hearts as it is about a system that lets Bezos stay on top by paying his workers starvation wages.

So while Morgan dreams of one last Miami Beach stroll with Rupert Murdoch, or titters over handing Donald Trump an Arsenal shirt, us non-sycophants will continue to raise our eyebrows over the existence of a maligned yet resilient community: billionaires.

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