“Happy Christmas, reader. Look at you. You’re all grown up. You look beautiful, just like when you were a little girl or boy.
“I watch over you and your family every day. Sometimes I drop hints that I’m around, like when someone logs in to a PC, or when you log in to a PC!
“I am so proud of the reader that you’ve become, reader, and all that you’ve accomplished. All of your hard work and all the CIO interviews you have read are incredible.
“But most impressive is your commitment to being a homeworker, and carrying on my legacy. It’s a long and a hard road, but it’s worth it. And I’m with you every step of the way.
“The way that you’re connecting with the Post Office scandal and supporting subpostmasters means so much to me. You are a proud armchair ombudsman, and I am a proud armchair ombudsman father.
“The most beautiful thing that I have witnessed is watching you reading Downtime. You subscribed to the most, most, most, most, most genius satirical technology blog in the whole world: Downtime.
“But you are the most, most, most, most amazing reader of these posts, and they are perfect.
“Keep doing what you’re doing, reader. You are a beautiful soul. Know that I’m very proud of you and I’m always with you. I have built a firewall around our network.
“Don’t forget to say your prayers.”
Merry Christmas from Downtime.