Chocolate coins, not bitcoins

Did anyone else notice how many people ruined the festive season’s pub visits by mistaking Bitcoin for something resembling an entertaining topic of conversation?

Suddenly all these bozos you grew up with have become overnight entrepreneurs, and they’ve left you behind. Next Christmas, they may well be ordering buckets of champagne and regaling you with stories about how their Bitcoin investments made them rich beyond their wildest dreams.

For now, don’t buy a word of it. It’s a bit like when Sudoku was all the rage. Unless you’re paying close attention to the person doing it, it’s very hard to decipher between a genius and an imbecile. And the cost of getting involved and scrutinising these cryptocurrency musings is far too high. It would ruin your night.

Best to just glaze over whenever you hear anyone talk about it. The worst-case scenario is you miss a hot financial tip from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, but even then, the levels of tedium avoided are arguably worth losses of up to £3bn.

None of your friends will get anywhere with this scheme, though, will they? Pull them up on that come December 2018, and make them promise to never ruin Christmas with maths again.