You’ve just crossed over into the Dyson Zone

Dyson has ventured into the headphones market the only way that feels right: with a chunky, magnetic, air-purifying face mask upgrade that’s arrived two years too late.

“The Dyson Zone purifies the air you breathe on the move,” said Jake Dyson, son of James Dyson. “And unlike face masks, it delivers a plume of fresh air without touching your face, using high-performance filters and two miniaturised air pumps.”

This allows you to escape air pollution while you escape noise pollution, freeing you up to experience the plight of those who can’t afford the Dyson Zone strictly via your eyes.

However, that does obviously mean that if you get bored of your favourite playlists providing a soundtrack to a backdrop of envious passers by battling insurmountable city smog, you will probably want to invest in a virtual reality headset, too.

Only then, with the full set of ears, nose, throat and eyes concealed by corrective machinery, irreversible ecological collapse will quite frankly no longer be your problem. It will become significantly more pronounced for everyone else, though. “What?” you say? Exactly.

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