The robot league

Restaurants in the Netherlands have been easing themselves back into business with the help of robotic waiting staff, going some way to repair the profession’s reputation after China’s automated hospitality employment crisis of 2016.

The Human League’s Phil Oakey is rumoured to have adapted some of his most famous lyrics in reference to a trip he took to China around that time. “You were working as a waitress in a hot pot bar, over in Guangzhou”, he reportedly now sings, but the dark reality of that waitress is that she was fired for dropping a jug of water on the ‘80s star’s head before cocking up his entire order.

After the robot’s dismissal, it’s believed Oakey brought her back with him to the UK, where they proceeded to embark on a whirlwind romance. Close friends of the pair told Downtime they were besotted with each other, and that the relationship soon became serious as he taught her how to use tableware and encouraged her to enrol in an Open University course.

Four years on, she now heads up a successful private sector think tank in London, and is said to have decided to leave Oakey after he continued to mispronounce “Guangzhou” and imply she wouldn’t have found her new career if it wasn’t for him. He just couldn’t let her have it.

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