The app that tells you if 'measure up'

080320 - measuring tape

080320 – measuring tape (Photo credit: janGlas)

Ever considered whether you are cock of the walk or a Tiny Tim when it comes to your own hardware? Fear not male IT specialists, technology has come to compare and contrast your collection and create a rogues gallery of the biggest (and smallest) on your Apple device.

Condom Size from VSM Enterprises is a new app playing on the fears of men everywhere. After paying the suitable price of 69p (dude), the app loads up rulers along the side of the iPhone screen and gives instructions to place the handset next to, umm, your own equipment for the first measurement. Then it is time to gift wrap your present, as it were, and use a piece of string for the second measurement around the outside.

There is actually a genuine purpose for the app – it comes under the ‘education’ category on the App Store after all. Once you have measured up, there are links to buy custom fit condoms to prevent any mishaps during your throes of passion, as ill-fitting attire is a common cause of unwanted pregnancies and the passing on of nasty diseases.

But, let’s face it, the reason for downloading this app is to compare and contrast with the world rankings it provides for both length and girth. It is easier than sneaking glances in the gents or the gym changing room to check out your adequacies at least and less chance of getting thumped in the process.

All we ask is that you give your iPhone a wipe afterwards and, if you need to use an iPad, we know a few IT girls who would like to hear from you…


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