Nokia 3310s back to hard reset our dystopian world

News of the Nokia 3310’s imminent relaunch has brought Downtime over all nostalgic. Take our hand, and come with us to the cloudless summer of 2001. It’s safer there. The sun shines brightly, the global economy is probably all going to be fine, and everything is just generally a great big laugh.

Let’s stick a CD in the Walkman and skip to the park, where we’ll meet all our brilliant friends. We’ll kick back, chomp at morsels of Hubba Bubba, and proceed to share all our latest WBMP screensavers and monophonic ringtones on our excellent Nokia 3310s. It will be a feast of reason and a flow of soul.

Can we actually get away with this? If we all just hide under that climbing frame over there with our throwback handsets, will these simpler times return forever? The dawn of our big, cosy global timewarp era, where all advancements in artificial intelligence are expunged by Furbies, and noble, objective teletext is rolled back out to our living rooms to wash away whatever “fake news” is.

Maybe if we somehow keep chasing the past, progress will never catch up with us. It’ll be like Snake II. We love Snake II.

Look what a fantastic, retro time everyone’s having. Someone should Boomerang this and get it on Instagram. Oh, right. Nevermind, then. Actually, this is starting to get a bit naff now.