No way, Osé

This year’s CES organisers have succeeded in preserving every male tech nerd stereotype by crumbling over a small reminder that real vaginas exist.

The Osé personal massager’s upcoming innovation award at the event has been reversed after it was deemed indecent, which would look a lot less like blatant sexism if CES hadn’t showcased a robotic sex doll only the year before.

Company founder Lora Haddock, who sidestepped a marketing mistake when she didn’t name the product after herself, said: “You cannot pretend to be unbiased if you allow a sex robot for men but not a vagina-focused robotic massager for blended orgasm.” Downtime isn’t sure what a blended orgasm is, but it doesn’t sound like something you’d ever try to stand in the way of.

It’s clear the Osé, ordinarily a resounding stranger to anything of the sort, has found itself subject to a major anticlimax here, and its creators might now have to see a drone snatch the award from under its big, blue, Gonzo nose. “What’s a drone snatch?” you quip. You’re part of the problem.

If a drone wins this honour, in spite of the havoc they’ve wreaked on our airways – at the expense of a dildo that’s done nothing wrong, no less – we’re taking this scandal to HBO ourselves.

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