Nobody’s been able to get in contact with Downtime’s marketing manager since our discovery of a GDPR-themed Spotify playlist back in March, but his driving licence was found by the Royal Thai Police in the aftermath of a Full Moon Party in Ko Pha-ngan late last month, which is bizarre because he doesn’t actually exist.
We’ve had to muddle through on our own, digging out the John Smith’s beer mat we keep our list of contacts on (three Dilbert fans who think he’s a real person) and sending them grovelling requests to opt back in on all our future correspondence – but none replied because they’re also imaginary.
It’s only the recent flurry of emails from other organisations under the cosh that’s kept us going. We forgot we had so many real friends, and it’s touched our heart to see how important we remain to their operations. “You’ve probably been getting a lot of emails recently” is such a thoughtful and understanding opening line, and that’s all we’ve been hearing for weeks, but they needn’t beg.
Of course we’ll opt in again. Our memories live in day-to-day borderline spam. From the uncomfortable moment a subdued Ponden Home cashier suggested we put our name down for duvet updates, to the bewitching high-street canvasser we pretended to love paintballing for. Let’s definitely keep in touch!