How many Porsches is that?
Talking of distributors, one of the intrepid Soap crew ventured forth from Sutton Towers and found himself taking a trip back to the 80s during a visit to security distributor e92plus.
"If you want to know how well we're doing, just take a look at all the Porsches in the car park," one of the group's employees told us.
Although we've never heard of the Porsche as a standard measurement for economic prosperity, we look forward to the day when the World Bank and International Monetary Fund produce statistics about the performance of individual countries based on the Porsche. The US, for example, might be measured in millions - if not billions - of Porsches (assuming our American cousins agree to adopt the German car as a measurement rather than one of their home-grown models).
We digress. Anyway, our man had a better chance to survey the affluence of e92plus when he returned to the car park to find his ten-year-old Micra boxed in by a gleaming Porsche 911.
"See, I told you," the man from e92plus said, knocking on the Micra's window. "You can't get out of the place for Porsches."
A missed birth-day?
For those of you lucky enough never to have to deal with them, here's an example of just how pushy and irritating PR people can be.
PR woman from one firm, which shall remain nameless for reasons of taste, was talking to one of the Soap crew the other day, trying to get him to come along to some conference or other.
Upon hearing the dates for the event, our man politely replied he would be highly unlikely to attend.
He explained that his non-attendance was not dictated by the substance of the conference, but by the fact he and his wife were expecting their first baby around that time.
"Go on," the PR woman urged. "You don't have to go, do you?"
And no, she wasn't talking about the conference, she was talking about the birth. Not very right-on is it?
This was first published in January 2002