Downtime

Cern: bringer of the apocalypse or hit factory?

2008-09-05T14:57:07Z

While the Cern laboratory is possibly better known for its imminent deployment of the Large Hadron Collider - and possible attendant apocalypse - it is also emerging as a crucible of musical talent for the YouTube-viewing hoi polloi.

Downtime first noticed the twin particles of pop and Big Bang physics with the advent of girl band Les Horribles Cernettes, a trio who used to rehearse in the office next to Tim Berners Lee.

Now following the doowoppers down the route from Cern scholarship to Web 2.0 music videos comes Kate McAlpine with 'the Large Hadron Rap'. A graduate of Michigan State University, Kate says she wants to explain scientific topics in a way that is relevant, interesting and understandable. A quick look at her nascent scientific career suggests she knows her onions, but in bringing the concepts of energy conservation, dark matter and the very birth of the universe itself to satisfy the average YouTube user, she might find she has her work cut out for her.

Shanghai police reminds the public it is always watching

2008-09-05T09:24:52Z

Police in Shanghai have announced plans to publish photographs and stills from CCTV of jaywalkers and other traffic nuisances in local newspapers in an effort to shame miscreants into mending their ways.

Local lawyers are proving to be unusually enthusiastic about the plan. They foresee lots of actions for defamation. They also think the loss of face from exposing the offenders is a punishment too cruel and unusual for the crime, meaning yet more money to line their coffers.

Downtime thinks that if the UK experience of CCTV is anything to go by, now could be the time to make a significant investment in a Chinese hoodie manufacturer.

PA Consulting wipes its memory after data loss

2008-09-05T09:22:43Z

PA Consulting hit the headlines when it lost an unencrypted memory stick containing the details of thousands of prolific offenders contained in the prison service's J-Track system, but that is not the only thing that has gone missing. It appears PA Consulting has "lost" some related content on its website.

A web search for articles about PA and J-Track lists a link to an article about PA joining forces with the Home Office, but surprise, surprise, the web page cannot be found. It has gone the same way as the notorious memory stick.

Unfortunately for PA Consulting, Google's memory is not so easily erased.

Teachers express concerns over the Facebook generation

2008-09-05T09:21:15Z

Apparently, teachers do not think it is such a good idea to have Facebook and MySpace in the classroom.

In a study conducted by LM Research for ntl:Telewest, almost a quarter of teachers said they worried about the amount of personal information that students disclose online and their behaviour when using social networking sites.

Downtime suspects it is not the kids' information they are worried about. Web pages never go away. The last thing a teacher wants is someone looking up their old MySpace/Facebook page... student parties, sex, drugs and roll 'n' roll.

Estate agents get thinking as police release crime maps

2008-09-05T09:16:14Z

As if estate agents were not already well and truly up that proverbial creek without a paddle, the London Metropolitan Police has made their lives even tougher.

A website mapping crime has been launched which allows citizens to key in a postcode and get details of the crimes committed there.

Anybody who has ever shopped for property in London will know the well established euphemism "it is an up and coming area", which means "it is not currently a nice area", but estate agents will really have their verbal gymnastics tested when trying to cast high violent crime statistics in a positive light.

The future of future-gazing

2008-08-29T14:05:51Z

Those who claim to see the future are often accorded high status in their communities, at least judging by the amount of money we are ready to throw at them. Whether the preferred methodology is extrapolation from the past, reading palms, counting crows on the wing, or picking over the entrails of a sacrificed goat, all require some observational acumen.

Which is why Downtime was surprised and delighted to receive from the IT industry's bone-thrower-in-chief, Gartner, the news that "enterprises must anticipate how societal trends will impact their business and customers". Slowness to respond could drive them out of business, it wailed.

It said websites and tools such as FriendFeed, Twitter, Ryze and Orkut "form an increasing proportion of the trusted information sources that individuals use to make decisions." So, not Gartner, then.

Space station virus alive and kicking

2008-08-29T14:04:02Z

News last week that a computer virus has found its way to the International Space Station will surely make millions for Hollywood film producers.

Forget Kubrick's 2001 or the series of Alien movies that have graced the big screen, soon their will be a film going by the catchy name Gammima.AG.

The worm, which was first detected on earth a year ago, sits on computers and takes login names from users.

The virus got to the space station on laptops used by the astronauts. These laptops were used to run nutritional programs.

Downtime has a film idea. A notorious hacker sitting in a high security prison is dragged from his cell and taken to the space station to save the world from the virus. His knowledge of hacking techniques is valuable in the race against time to stop the menus being tampered with putting at risk the health of the world's space elite and opening the human race up to extraterrestrial attack.

He save the day and is repatriated to his home nation, where he receives a knighthood and gets the girl.

Statistics show men hog the mouse as well as the remote

2008-08-29T13:09:47Z

The internet is more popular among men because they are hard workers that need to be constantly connected, whereas women prefer shopping. Or, men are lazy and are actually surfing the X-rated sites while watching the score change at the cricket.

According to figures from the Office of National Statistics, a higher proportion of UK men use the internet than women. Downtime would like to see this broken down into what men and women are looking at and when they are doing itttttttttttt... "all out for 83, I can't believe it".

It's my password and I'll swear if I want to

2008-08-29T13:07:33Z

Lloyds TSB changed the password of computer consultant Steve Jetley from Shrewsbury after he had logged it as "Lloyds is pants".

BBC News reported that the bank also stopped him changing his password to "Barclays is better". Apparently Jetley discovered that "Lloyds is pants" had been changed only when he tried to use the bank's telephone service and found his password had become "No it's not".

It is good to see that Lloyds TSB takes our password security so seriously. Perhaps Jetley should try "Leave my f**king password alone".

West Wing creator starts work on Facebook: The Movie

2008-08-29T13:05:29Z

Somebody who will be wincing at the previous story is West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin, who has hit the news with his proposals for "Web 2.0: The Movie".

To be precise, Sorkin intends to make a film recounting the creation and launch of Facebook.

Downtime has tried to become Facebook friends with Sorkin, so we can tell him that it is a terrible idea, and that nobody wants to watch a film about Facebook, but have yet to be welcomed into his confidence.

We can only hope that Sorkin's friends in the real world have more luck.

University spam researchers discover the alphabet bias

2008-08-29T13:01:36Z

A Cambridge University study has uncovered bad news for the Adams and Alisons of this world. According to their research you are more likely to receive spam if your name, and by consequence your e-mail address, starts with a letter towards the beginning of the alphabet.

Richard Clayton, the security expert who ran the study, explained the trend by saying that spammers will often use a "dictionary" method of disseminating spam. This means they start at the beginning of the dictionary predicting e-mail addresses such as aaron.smith@hotmail.com and work up the alphabet from there.

By the time they reach Zach they may well have given up. It will be interesting to see whether these findings have any effect on naming trends amongst IT professionals. We could see whole generations of Zivs and Zondas steering IT through the 21st century.

Experian makes a game of Creditability

2008-08-21T14:44:30Z

Timing is everything in most areas of endeavour, which is why Experian's launch of Creditability, a free computer game that teaches sound financial management, should be a winner.

Described as a journey into the world of money and credit, it takes you through choosing a bank account, buying a house, and avoiding identity fraudsters, says the blurb.

So if there are any CIOs out there whose knowledge of compound interest needs brushing up, Downtime recommends a discrete visit.

Internet commentators hoisted by their own petard

2008-08-20T15:01:47Z

The Guardian last week highlighted the work of Matt Southall, whose website, ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com, collects the views of the most odious and self-important internet commentators. Here are two choice examples concerning road management and green policies:

"In towns with socialist councils, the traffic lights are timed to cause maximum possible disruption to car drivers, especially at peak times," rants SaxonHero.

"For god's sake would you kindly drop all this 'green' nonsense - it is all complete rubbish and I cannot believe that any educated adult can fall for such an obvious scam," asserts speaking_my_mind.

Illuminating stuff indeed. Downtime suspects there may be two more votes going Clarkson's way if Downing Street ever gets its act together and puts that poll to a vote

Downing Street video riles Clarkson electioneers

2008-08-20T15:00:54Z

Downing Street's website has, since April, played host to a petition signed by 49,447 people for Jeremy Clarkson to be made prime minister.

Last week Downing Street posted a wry video reply to the petition showing Clarkson's face framed on an inner wall of number 10 amongst past leaders, with text reading, "We've thought long and hard about [making Clarkson prime minister]... but on second thoughts, maybe not."

Lighthearted tomfoolery, you might think. Well, apparently not.

An outraged signatory told the Daily Mail, "Do they seriously have nothing better to do with their time and my money? I signed in good faith that they take these things seriously."

In fairness to the signatory, Clarkson probably is more popular than Brown, but, crucially, Clarkson is not running for prime minister, and an online poll cannot, in itself, justify a change of government. Sometimes faith just isn't enough.

IT's newest recruit hails a good piece of bad luck

2008-08-20T14:59:36Z

There are many methods that IT firms use to capture new talent to fill the much-lamented skills gap, but inducing life-threatening strokes is not one of them.

But perhaps it should be, following news that a stroke left former engineer Ken Walters with hitherto untapped artistic abilities.

With his newly acquired talents, discovered while he recovered in hospital, Walters went on to develop his own software and sell his artistic creations before being hired by videogames giant EA to work on a new project. Walters regards the stroke as an unlikely piece of luck.

[Downtime's lawyers would like to state that inducing strokes is not a legitimate practice in IT recruitment.]