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October 2008 Archives
October 2, 2008
October 7, 2008
Microsoft speech glitch raises awkward questions
As usual, the Microsoft presentation hit a glitch. But at IP08, it was not Microsoft's fault. You can blame BT.
The throngs were waiting for a speech from Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to be piped in from Southbank to the IP08 viewing room in Earl's Court. But the ISDN link was not up. Not in the morning. Not at lunch.
So three questions for BT.
As this was an IP event, why ISDN? Second, why was the contingency plan to record Ballmer's speech and courier the tape across town? Third, what does this say about BT's confidence in its 21st Century Network? Answers on a postage stamp, please.
The throngs were waiting for a speech from Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to be piped in from Southbank to the IP08 viewing room in Earl's Court. But the ISDN link was not up. Not in the morning. Not at lunch.
So three questions for BT.
As this was an IP event, why ISDN? Second, why was the contingency plan to record Ballmer's speech and courier the tape across town? Third, what does this say about BT's confidence in its 21st Century Network? Answers on a postage stamp, please.
Men are from Mars, women are better, research proves
The
21st century will see employees who use the right (or female) side of their
brain most in demand.
This,
according to Microsoft research, is because right-brainers are "lateral,
collaborative, flexible and creative". And all at the same time.
Downtime
research has found that Microsoft's right-brain office of the future will see
an influx of rock musicians, the absent-minded, and people who become restless
during long verbal explanations.
Unfortunately, these right-brain high flyers will be handicapped by their inability to find their way to work.
Follow
the link to discover which
way your brain leans.
ITV admits viewers won the battle, but plots to win war
ITV revealed last week that it had invested in the vanguard of television advertising.
In the heady future, ITV will be able to embed advertising into television shows, getting round the problem of pesky viewers channel-hopping to avoid being bombarded with advertising.
Simon Fell, head of future technology at ITV, told The Times, "We are trialling it online, where it is a manageable area and allows us to get feedback from both advertisers and viewers. It gives us another tool in the arsenal, and it is subtle."
ITV must make money somehow, and it would be churlish to be too critical, but it would seem unwise to talk about the new technology as adding to the "arsenal".
Viewers might feel understandably aggrieved when Fell, or perhaps ITV's head of present technology, eventually fires the new advertising bombs into their homes. They might decide to cut off his supply lines.
In the heady future, ITV will be able to embed advertising into television shows, getting round the problem of pesky viewers channel-hopping to avoid being bombarded with advertising.
Simon Fell, head of future technology at ITV, told The Times, "We are trialling it online, where it is a manageable area and allows us to get feedback from both advertisers and viewers. It gives us another tool in the arsenal, and it is subtle."
ITV must make money somehow, and it would be churlish to be too critical, but it would seem unwise to talk about the new technology as adding to the "arsenal".
Viewers might feel understandably aggrieved when Fell, or perhaps ITV's head of present technology, eventually fires the new advertising bombs into their homes. They might decide to cut off his supply lines.
Palin's internet profile borders on the ridiculous
In these times of economic hardship, Downtime knows there is a responsibility for comic IT columns to resist bipartisanship.
However, it is becoming difficult to maintain this stance as the American election 2008 - or Election 2.0 - hoists Sarah Palin into the limelight.
YouTube has been a feature of this election from the get-go, with Obama girl boosting Obama's credentials, but the McCain campaign must be wishing the internet could be turned off.
A litany of choice Palin clips are circulating cyberspace. The strangest is probably a video of Palin attending a service at her Pentecostal church with the preacher calling for witches and Palin's enemies to be defeated.
But perhaps most worrying for the McCain team is a clip of Palin explaining her unique Alaskan foreign policy qualifications. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."
However, it is becoming difficult to maintain this stance as the American election 2008 - or Election 2.0 - hoists Sarah Palin into the limelight.
YouTube has been a feature of this election from the get-go, with Obama girl boosting Obama's credentials, but the McCain campaign must be wishing the internet could be turned off.
A litany of choice Palin clips are circulating cyberspace. The strangest is probably a video of Palin attending a service at her Pentecostal church with the preacher calling for witches and Palin's enemies to be defeated.
But perhaps most worrying for the McCain team is a clip of Palin explaining her unique Alaskan foreign policy qualifications. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."
October 10, 2008
Profiteers bank on government intervention
Banks are having a tough time of it. Not only can they not offer crippling mortgages to people with little or no chance of repaying their debt, but now they are also having to stop offering credit to identity thieves.
A parliamentary group on identity fraud reported that identity thieves are targeting customers' online accounts as bank credit dries up.
Downtime has every confidence government will see the fraudsters through these tricky times. As for the identity thieves; well, they are clearly in the wrong business.
A parliamentary group on identity fraud reported that identity thieves are targeting customers' online accounts as bank credit dries up.
Downtime has every confidence government will see the fraudsters through these tricky times. As for the identity thieves; well, they are clearly in the wrong business.
Google offers Mail Goggles to users with beer goggles
Following its entry into the enterprise market Google is now offering parental services. Google has introduced a system that tests whether e‑mail users are drunk before they send e-mails.
The Mail Goggles system asks users simple mathematical questions to provide e¬‑mailing's equivalent of the breathalyser. This system only works in the wee small hours, automatically activating late at night on weekends, and is designed to stop people sending e-mails that they will regret the next day.
Downtime is considering its own system that can identify whether journalists are drunk when they write Downtimes.
The Mail Goggles system asks users simple mathematical questions to provide e¬‑mailing's equivalent of the breathalyser. This system only works in the wee small hours, automatically activating late at night on weekends, and is designed to stop people sending e-mails that they will regret the next day.
Downtime is considering its own system that can identify whether journalists are drunk when they write Downtimes.
Steve Jobs' online profile suffers a fresh attack
Just three weeks ago Downtime was forced to report that Vernon Kaye was not dead, and it seems the internet's capacity to bereave and bewilder has not abated.
Poor old Steve Jobs, having outlived his Bloomberg obituary, has now suffered a massive internet heart attack. The fictional heart attack lopped a real 5% off Apple's share price within half an hour.
CNN, which runs ireport.com where the "news" was published, apologised for the mistake. Apple, for its part, hurriedly denied it.
As for Steve Jobs, he has held his tongue. Perhaps all the denying of his own death has given him a sore throat.
Poor old Steve Jobs, having outlived his Bloomberg obituary, has now suffered a massive internet heart attack. The fictional heart attack lopped a real 5% off Apple's share price within half an hour.
CNN, which runs ireport.com where the "news" was published, apologised for the mistake. Apple, for its part, hurriedly denied it.
As for Steve Jobs, he has held his tongue. Perhaps all the denying of his own death has given him a sore throat.
BBC blogger demonstrates muscle of internet media
Anyone who thinks print offers a future in publishing should ponder this: Britain's biggest banks blame BBC blogger, business editor Robert Peston, for wiping £17bn of the value off their shares, thus contributing to chancellor Alistair Darling having to dip his hand into taxpayers' pockets for £500bn to tide the banks over.
Downtime cannot recall a time when the dead tree press moved such mountains. Downtime reckons Peston deserves a raise for signalling the triumph of NuMedia.
Downtime cannot recall a time when the dead tree press moved such mountains. Downtime reckons Peston deserves a raise for signalling the triumph of NuMedia.
Microsoft makes mildly amusing marketing effort
Microsoft seems to be allotting a surprising amount of revenue to providing Downtime with material.
After showering Jerry Seinfeld with money for a couple of bewilderingly awful adverts, it has released a fresh advert for Windows 7 which delivers at least comparable measures of weirdness.
Unlike the Seinfeld ads, though, Microsoft's latest effort verges on funny. It even features a punchline of sorts, along with a boy band singing about software.
Despite these relative successes, the advert still has a whiff of desperation about it. If Microsoft's efforts to maintain dominance in the changing software market are consistent with its marketing, we can expect some strange software.
After showering Jerry Seinfeld with money for a couple of bewilderingly awful adverts, it has released a fresh advert for Windows 7 which delivers at least comparable measures of weirdness.
Unlike the Seinfeld ads, though, Microsoft's latest effort verges on funny. It even features a punchline of sorts, along with a boy band singing about software.
Despite these relative successes, the advert still has a whiff of desperation about it. If Microsoft's efforts to maintain dominance in the changing software market are consistent with its marketing, we can expect some strange software.
October 16, 2008
Three cheers for systems administrators
It will be no surprise to sysadmins everywhere that even Downtime, shamefully, forgot 25 July 2008, which is obviously less well-known as Systems Administrator Appreciation Day.
Fortunately Google remembered where the sysadmins left the page that commemorated the event. It is here, and well worth trawling for glimpses into the lives of, until now, the unsung heroes of the modern world. Their (somewhat bitter, somewhat dry) take on life is summed up perfectly in their rubric, If you can read this, thank your sysadmin.
Especially worth reading is How to show your appreciation of your sysadmin.
(Belated) thanks, guys.
Fortunately Google remembered where the sysadmins left the page that commemorated the event. It is here, and well worth trawling for glimpses into the lives of, until now, the unsung heroes of the modern world. Their (somewhat bitter, somewhat dry) take on life is summed up perfectly in their rubric, If you can read this, thank your sysadmin.
Especially worth reading is How to show your appreciation of your sysadmin.
(Belated) thanks, guys.
October 27, 2008
Dutch authorities clamp down on virtual criminality
It seems the Dutch
are taking virtual crime very seriously these days. Two youngsters have been
sentenced to community service for stealing virtual goods from another youth on
a computer game.
Presumably Dutch
authorities will have the youths out sweeping up old joints in coffee shops and
washing brothel shop windows where law-abiding citizens spend their time.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a 15-year-old Renault?
In a story that will
please Jeremy Clarkson and others suspicious of any road-safety measure, a
Romanian man received a speed ticket for driving at 310mph. The 62-year-old had
been driving a 15-year-old Renault K65, which he claimed he could barely get to
70mph.
Police suspect that a
radar malfunction may have been responsible for the ticket, meaning the driver
will not be needing Mr Loophole to explain why he was exceeding the top speed
of a Formula One car.
Flogging old tat in the name of environmentalism
Downtime is a big
supporter of businesses recycling technology and last week we saw an innovative
re-use of floppy disc labels. A website is flogging packets of five to be used
as gift tags for over £4.
According to the
seller, "These make a great addition to any gift, unusual and retro!! They come
in red, black, yellow, green and blue."
Downtime prefers ZX81
keyrings.
British inventors put a gag on the nuisance callers
Downtime likes
nothing more than chatting to double-glazing salesmen and call centre workers,
but it seems others do not feel the same.
Two British inventors
who fall into the latter category have invented the Truecall device, a neat
gizmo that acts as a buffer between your phone and the outside world.
It works by identifying
the genuine calls of family and friends, and filtering out nuisance calls.
Downtime's alternative,
low-tech filtering service involves a four-year-old picking up calls and
repeatedly saying "poo" to callers whose identities are not recognised.
Swedish clergymen join the ranks of the infected
The church has always been unusually preoccupied with sex. Normally this obsession is focused on condemning the rest of us for doing it, but a Swedish clergyman has levelled the playing field somewhat.
The pious chap, when
not sermonising about the gnashing of teeth and hot hot fires of hell, was a
frequent visitor to hardcore porn sites.
During one of thousands
of visits he contracted a computer virus that brought down the church's entire
computer network.
Presumably the church
disapproves of antivirus software.
Home Office promises media windfall through credit crunch
Not content with
having far more data than it can competently handle, the government is
proposing gathering all citizens' communication data.
The government's plans
have been greeted with delight by Computer Weekly journalists who predict a
windfall of "Government loses x amount of citizens' data" stories. 
October 30, 2008
I don't want you in my gang, my gang....
Downtime would like to be a fly on the wall at the meeting at HP between the person who decided to use Gary Glitter's song Touch Me in a US advert for a new TV bearing the name Touchsmart TV and his or her superiors. The computer giant could have to fork out about £100,000 in royalties to the convicted paedophile for using the track.
October 31, 2008
Cheeky song gets the b*m's rush
Downtime was interested to see that iTunes had a problem last week that led to some songs being censored. The Cheeky Girls' Touch My Bum has been changed to Touch My B*M. So it has gone from a cheeky little number with a relatively harmless sexual reference to a thinly veiled threat from a drugs dealer to anyone who goes near his German-engineered car.
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About October 2008
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