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July 2008 Archives

July 4, 2008

Boffins reach out to the beautiful young people

Downtime notes the sterling efforts of Electronics Weekly's Gadget Freak, in addressing the image problem associated with technology, by highlighting the eldritch weirdness going on in the garages of wannabe Dr Frankensteins across the country.  Blinking in the glare of publicity is the inventor of a machine which uses a lever arm to dunk a teabag for just the right time for the perfect cuppa (a commenter suggests a trebuchet function to lob the used teabag out of the window and onto a compost heap outside), and - finally! - award-winning designer Alberto Ricci Bitti brings us the PC thermometer. 

Posted on July 4, 2008 3:26 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 5, 2008

Niche sports league takes off in USA

An American website with very stern religious views thinks the word "gay" is ambiguous, and so uses the word "homosexual" when reporting news stories. 
According to reports from the Guardian, writers were told to replace the word "gay" with "homosexual" automatically. But lo and behold! trouble soon came knocking when reporting on an athletics competition in which athlete Tyson Gay won the 100m. The headline? "Homosexual eases into 100m final at Olympic trials". 
This isn't the end of it though, said the website RightWingWatch: "While they may have fixed this particular instance, it looks like they haven't gone back through their archives and corrected other articles where this happened, such as this article where professional basketball player Rudy Gay is referred to as Rudy Homosexual."

Posted on July 5, 2008 4:03 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 7, 2008

Newport feels the aftershock of the brain drain

Reader James Walton from Newport writes: "A friend just got his new Windows system and bought a bunch of software to go along with it. He installed everything, then complained that when he started his computer up, the screen was so cluttered he was having a hard time finding his desktop. "Somewhat to my amazement, I discovered that every time the computer booted up, half a dozen or so program groups opened up on the desktop, and all sorts of programs were spilling their menu contents onto the screen. After some poking around, I discovered that he had installed everything - everything - into his StartUp folder. I asked him why he installed all his programs in there. He said, "Well, I wanted to be sure they'd start up when I needed them, so..."

Posted on July 7, 2008 10:00 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 8, 2008

Pursue a satisfying career in cutomer support

A John Doe writes to Computer Weekly: I work for an ISP. After two calls totalling 45 minutes with one customer, I asked him to bring his computer in and I would configure it myself. He was a bit skeptical, so I assured him that he did not have to bring in the whole computer, just the CPU - no monitor, cables, mouse or keyboard, just the CPU. He was not sure which part was the CPU, so I told him, "just bring in the box, the part with the CD-ROM drive and floppy drive." I explained this twice. Later he arrived with the cardboard box that his computer came in. I asked him where the computer was, he replied, "I thought you just needed to look at the box to see what model it was."

Posted on July 8, 2008 11:16 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 11, 2008

Caramel latte + keyboard = Downtime (for real)

A nice caramel latte certainly perks Downtime up of a Friday afternoon, but sadly it seems today's pick-me-up arrived just a little too late. Suffering from the onset of the shakes from prolonged caffeine and sugar withdrawal - two hours is a long time to wait - Downtime didn't quite manage to grasp the cup with the required amount of coordination. And, unfortunately, it seems Downtime's keyboard doesn't thrive quite so well on the milky hard stuff as Downtime does. This time it really was down time.

Downtime is taking solace from the fact that it is not alone. Many others have fallen foul of the same fate, and have even seen fit to record the results for the comfort of others and post the proof on YouTube. Perhaps, given time, Downtime's drowned keyboard might recover to this level:

Although so far not even one key works on Downtime's affected keyboard. (So how has this entry been created, you ask? Secret telepathic mind to machine communication technology? Spinvox? No, it's being typed on a borrowed keyboard.)

While acknowledging that a problem shared is a problem halved, Downtime wanted the problem to go away altogether. Unfortunately, in this respect Downtime was less impressed by what YouTube had to offer. Following this next piece of video advice would probably not best please the team in Infrastructure, Opps and Procurement. Despite the rocking soundtrack it does not come with any guarantee that the same happy ending would be met by all:

So, what options are left? Apparently it's not a good idea to wash your hardware in the sink, unless you have access to a very good data recovery firm... So, perhaps Downtime needs to put in a request to the Occupational Health team for some special needs equipment. We bring you: the washable keyboard.

 Thank heavens for that! For a moment Downtime thought the only answer might be: give up coffee!

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Posted on July 11, 2008 5:08 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 15, 2008

Cards in London cabs are contactless and pointless

The Scots clearly have no idea how much taxis cost in London. The Royal Bank of Scotland anyway. The bank has decided to roll out contactless card readers in London cabs. Good idea you may think. But the maximum you can pay with a contactless card is £10. Downtime is no expert - Computer Weekly's expense sheet only offers the possibility of taking a bus - but is fairly sure £10 will probably only get you from one end of Oxford Street to the other.

Posted on July 15, 2008 10:23 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 16, 2008

Richard Thomas gets tough on Dot Cotton

No-one is safe from the Freedom of Information Act, not even the BBC. Big brother is cracking the whip and Aunty will have to comply. The Information Commissioner's Office - which, one would hope, should have more important things to do - has ordered the BBC to disclose the annual staff costs for EastEnders. Perhaps the information commissioner genuinely believes the Beeb's expenditure is the most worrying thing for Britons, and the exercise is not, for example, a naked attempt to divert attention to a household-name soap opera after months of disastrous press for government IT. The loss of the personal data of 25 million citizens by Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs, and so on. At least we can all rest assured that our tax pounds are working for us and the legislation is giving us access to what we really need to know: what the BBC is paying its soap stars. But if the BBC is being forced to show and tell, it is a little worrying as to what lengths the ICO will go in the name of freedom.

Posted on July 16, 2008 10:26 AM | | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

July 17, 2008

Ingenious excuses from banks number 452

Banks and building societies should implement bespoke excuse generating machines. This was the idea of one reader who was told by his erstwhile mortgage lender that the reason there was a hold up in his application was due to a backlog of applications. Mortgage sales are at their lowest since records began. Why not have software that links to various news websites and comes up with excuses which at least sound genuine? At least it makes a change from "we have a problem with the computer".

Posted on July 17, 2008 10:29 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 18, 2008

Get to know your dinner a little better

Shoppers in Norway are getting a supermarket information system that will allow them to download complete curricula vitae of any poultry they buy. Norwegian food producer Nortura has started work with IBM to tag poultry from the farm to the supermarket. The chicken tracking system will collect information - including GPS data - to let you know where the animal lived, and how it ended up on the shelf in the supermarket. Shoppers simply scan the barcode to find out the life history.

Posted on July 18, 2008 10:31 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 19, 2008

South African backpackers voice employment concerns

Meet the world's first robotic barman. Mr Asahi has recently made his London debut. The brainchild of Japanese brewer Asahi, the robot trained for six months ahead of the gig at Selfridges. According to the specification sheet, he is capable of serving people in under two minutes, saving the average person 13 minutes at the bar. 200 man hours in development, Mr Asahi is based on a PC which controls and regulates compressed air through various valves and electrical switching mechanisms to provide the animatronics required to pull a pint of beer.

Posted on July 19, 2008 10:33 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 17, 2008

Photo story: Government CIOs turn green

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Minister for transformational government Tom Watson and government CIO John Suffolk show off the Greening Government ICT strategy document.


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Tom Watson and Defra CIO Chris Chant look more closely at the document.

 
Caption competition: Can you come up with a wittier caption for these photos? Add your suggestions by posting a comment below!
 
 

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Posted on July 17, 2008 5:52 PM | | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

July 18, 2008

Sex worker perks up IT staff with bedroom revelations


An article in London's Metro newspaper last week following Max Mosley's attempts to prove that he is just a pervert and not a Nazi, carried an unexpected PR coup for IT workers.


Poppy Williams, one of Mosley's esteemed affiliates, is quoted in the story saying "A lot [of my clients] work in IT, so I imagine they enjoy a strong human touch." 


Williams, who describes herself as "a real submissive escort who likes to be spanked hard" has given the IT industry a much-needed shot in the arm.


IT staff have long been painted as a boring bunch, and Downtime hopes that this story can do something to rewrite this terrible wrong. As they say, any publicity is good publicity. Though Mr Mosley may have a thing or two to say about this mantra.

Posted on July 18, 2008 2:06 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Malware writers cook up a treat for Nigella fans


Celebrity cook Nigella Lawson has had her website (nigella.com) hacked by the increasingly dangerous SQL injection attacks doing the rounds. 


Visitors to the site could have found themselves leaving with rather more than a tasty recipe for avocado bruschetta. 


Downtime, in the interests of research, has spent a good two hours browsing the Nigella gallery, and can happily report that we remain both uninfected and strangely content.

Posted on July 18, 2008 2:13 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Technology staff want to get promoted, survey reveals


Downtime loves surveys, especially as they tend to confirm the blindingly obvious and hence lead to jocular speculation about what planet these people live on.


The latest in this line comes from - wait for it - Planet Recruit. It found 90% of techies reckon they can do a better job that their boss. They probably can - that is why he hired them. Non-techies are either more unassuming or less testosteronally gifted.


The Planeteers say, "Job boards are a good way of testing the water and seeing if the grass is greener on the other side of the datacentre." Downtime reckons the grass is usually greener over the septic tank.

Posted on July 18, 2008 2:15 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Robot turns up the heat and gets out of the kitchen

"Two sugars in that tea Hal." 


"Sorry Dave I cannot do that."


"Why not?"


"Because I am Chris, a robot created in Bristol using one million pounds of European Commission money. Although I was designed as part of a project to look at the problems of a human and a robot working together in the same space, such as a kitchen, that does not mean you can ask me to pander to your every need. Where were you last night anyway?"


Posted on July 18, 2008 2:18 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Bonnie Scotland - it's the new Bangalore

Scotland is the next Bangalore, or so we have heard. Downtime has read an article about Scotland's opportunity to become the next Bangalore by using its skills to become a centre for outsourcing. One expert predicts that Scotland could have an annual gross domestic product of about £82bn if it created a Scottish version of Bangalore. IT directors looking to develop a call centre will now be faced with a difficult decision when planning their new development. Do they spend an unnecessary few weeks "working" in Bangalore in glorious sunshine, perhaps visiting the historic Bangalore Palace, or do they take the high road to Scotland? Deep-fried Mars bar anyone?

Posted on July 18, 2008 2:24 PM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

July 29, 2008

Who's watching you watching the movie?

The Odeon cinema chain has put CCTV cameras in nine of its venues across the country to "ensure the safety and security of audience members", it says. The nation must put a stop to this blatant misuse of technology. To quote a couple of classic songs "Saturday Night at the Movies" will never be the same again. And who is going to want to be "Sitting in the Back Row of the Movies" if your every move is being monitored by some bored cashier who's run out of punters to flog popcorn to? Or perhaps Odeon is hoping that amorous and unwary cinemagoers will offer a bit of "user-generated content" to accompany the film trailers on its website?

Posted on July 29, 2008 10:34 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 30, 2008

You know when you've had enough - the bear says so

If the fluffy bear mascot on your car dashboard starts talking, drivers could be forgiven for thinking they have had a bit too much to drink. But Japanese scientists have come up with a high-tech critter to be the judge of that. They have created a robotic satnav bear to help drivers find their way through traffic and also caution them if it detects they have been drinking. It's good to know that the world's best minds are hard at work solving the globe's most pressing problems. The bear is designed to use its arms to point drivers in the right direction, which, if nothing else, should be a life saver for people who do not know left from right.

Posted on July 30, 2008 10:44 AM | | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

July 31, 2008

Lilly-livered law can't help protect your public image

Sometimes you wonder who your friends are. London's Metro newspaper reports that someone pinched a woman's pictures off of Facebook and plastered them all over a fetishists' website, along with a hapless chap's mobile phone number. The pictures apparently showed nothing more titillating than the lady pottering around her house, but the message on the FetLife wall said she would "do anything" to become a porn actress. Complaints to the police brought a shrug of the shoulders - apparently, no laws have been broken. How about libel and/or defamation?

Posted on July 31, 2008 11:28 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

July 29, 2008

Workaround genius: the Blue Peter flap

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Downtime was pleased to see a local railway station use the Blue Peter approach to fixing IT. When bright sunshine made its ticket machine screens impossible to read, a bit of sticky back plastic and card worked wonders. We can't wait to see the solution this inventive station manager has for signalling failure. Take three sweet wrappers, green, red and amber, and some double-sided sticky tape...

Posted on July 29, 2008 2:49 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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About July 2008

This page contains all entries posted to Downtime in July 2008. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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