Downtime

A Delorean that can travel back in time, the internet and the wheel are all great inventions that have furthered the cause of mankind. By contrast, a watch that tells you if there is a Wi-Fi connection nearby could be said to lack ambition. But hey, it is made in the UK.
The Wi-Fi-detecting watch is described as a “discreet alternative” that will reveal the strength of local Wi-Fi connections, so you can select the best location from which to hook up.
Surprisingly, the inventor did not seem to realise that any device that needs a Wi-Fi connection would automatically have detection software built in anyway.
Other inventions in the pipeline from the inventor of the Wi-Fi watch include the battery powered battery recharger, the all-black energy-saving lightbulb and the undersea toaster.

Downtime wonders why the little old lady who lives next door orders so many bottles of milk if she cannot be bothered to collect them each morning. They are really beginning to pile up. One company that has also had its eye on the elderly is Microsoft.
The BBC reports that Microsoft UK is developing a “senior PC”, which will have a simple interface and will be aimed at older users. The PC will come with software that allows users to manage prescriptions as well as simplified tools for everyday use, such as managing photos. Let’s hope the little old lady can generate a report to the milkman using an SQL back-end to cancel her deliveries.

It came as news to Downtime that wearable computers are a reality in today’s army. Wearing a blade server built into a T-shirt might keep you warm, but hiding the cooling fan might prove problematic.
The priority, though, is that soldiers keep hold of their guns, which is where the RallyPoint Handwear Computer Input Device comes into play. The glove has an array of sensors built-in, including push-button sensors in the pinky, fourth finger and index finger, a mouse-like sensor in the index finger, and a trio of accelerometers that can send commands to devices soilders are wearing.
The last thing you want to do in a combat situation is bust out a keyboard and mouse and start clicking away just to send some simple commands via your embedded computer.
Apparently US soldiers are using them Iraq. Let’s hope that in the heat of battle they do not forget which finger fires an e-mail and which one, err, fires.

A reader writes to censure Downtime for slating the Wi-Fi watch.
”Usually I’m right there with you on your comments, but this time I’ve just got to take exception. As you think the Wi-Fi watch is a waste of space, imagine the following scenario. You’re in a strange place and you’re roaming around aimlessly, with your laptop out and powered up, held in your two hands looking for a Wi-Fi signal. The laptop bag swung over a shoulder, your briefcase held by your fingertips underneath the laptop. One eye on the screen looking for a signal, the other on people because crashing into someone could make you drop your laptop.”
Sadly, the substance of his critique extended to the plainly absurd inventions Downtime suggested, such as a Braille speedometer. “A Braille speedometer wouldn’t work,” he writes. “You’d have to take your hands off the steering wheel.”
Is Downtime a lost cause?

It’s all gone a bit Pete Tong for one internet-based radio station. Radio Free Europe, which broadcast news and current-affairs programmes to Eastern European countries behind the Iron Curtain, suffered a distributed denial of service attacks on the station’s various websites. News.com says that at one point the websites were getting up to 50,000 hits per second from other machines. Trend Micro says the attacks are almost certainly the result of politically motivated hackers, which, given that political arguments concerning the former Eastern Bloc sometimes end with polonium 210 in your PG tips, makes a DoS attack seem positively appealing.

According to recently published research, a PC keyboard can be dirtier than the average toilet cover and even filthier than an IT manager at a five-day “software conference” in Berlin.
Which? Computing conducted the research and found that the “dirty qwertys” were home to a host of bugs, including E coli and staphylococcus aureus. Microbiologists found the computer viruses after swabbing more than 30 keyboards to test for bacteria, along with a toilet seat and toilet door handle in a typical London office.
The chief boffin said IT professionals’ poor personal hygiene habits of were to blame. “This is all about people doing things like picking their noses or not washing their hands after going to the toilet and then using their computer keyboards,” he said.
If you have hygiene issue with a colleague, Downtime urges you to immediately report them using the email address, cwdowntime@rbi.co.uk.

An elephant’s graveyard for printers is turning into a goldmine for one Canadian Mr Fix-it. Bob Foote, owner of Canada One Office Repair, has spent 17 years proving there’s more money to be made repairing printers than selling them. The Edmonton Journal reports that the entrepreneur has made his fortune as people increasingly see the value in getting printers repaired rather than buying new ones. Downtime reckons if he switched his talents to supporting a soon-to-be-withdrawn operating system he could probably earn enough money to buy Yahoo at $40 a share.

Downtime went to see the Iron Man film last week and was suitably impressed at the gadgets employed by the tech hero. Repulsor rays that blasted villains and USB memory sticks that emitted a ear shattering sonic blast made the film fun. However, Downtime found the rustling of the tesco bag of sweets from the person sitting behind even more painful. Is there some piece of tech kit out there that can stop these noise polluters?

Perfectly captured on film, via BBC Three's The Wall.

Reader Robin Edmonds writes, "I received my notice from the Santander Nominee Service today and decided to sell some shares. I called the number quoted for shareholder services and was surprised to be greeted by a voice welcoming me to a sex chatline, which invited me to press one for gay and two for straight. I waited for 'press three to sell your shares', but it was not on the menu.
"I then called the helpdesk, and got an operative who sounded keen to help me. I tried to explain that I was more worried about the extra service that Santander seemed to have added to its portfolio, but he was now halfway down his script.
"Eventually, he 'took my problem on board' and promised to 'action it to the appropriate section'. I realised later that the letter had a one where there should have been a zero, and was able to sell my shares. I wonder how many people have received the same letter, and how much the chatline has made from Santander shareholders?"

Reader Tim Instone writes regarding the Wi-Fi sniffer watch, "There seems to be a serious point lurking in here somewhere. A Wi-Fi sniffer that tells you there is a signal is pointless if it does not also tell you about access.
"Since all sniffers can do is detect a signal, requiring you to fire up some other device to evaluate it, they are a waste of space.
"Have you ever thought of a Darwin-style award for people who would improve IT by having nothing to do with it? Maybe a trophy involving a single digit? Or two if they can count that far?"

On a related tack, reader Sam Evans writes on Downtime's idea for a Braille speedometer.
"With reference to the reader who criticises the Braille speedometer because 'you would have to take your hands off the steering wheel'. Has he or she not thought of having the Braille output as part of the steering wheel? This would enable the blind user to have all kinds of useful information at their fingertips, not just the speed."

A slash-proof backpack, an alarmed laptop case and a pub chair with space to hide your handbag inside are among the creations of a research centre fighting crime with style, reports the BBC.
The Design Against Crime centre puts Batman and James Bond to shame with its inventions, which are aimed at delivering a blow to Asbo-award nominees. The team works with police and criminologists and interviews thieves at length to come up with its ideas.
Downtime wonders how the centre could adapt the clothing of the IT department to help staff do their jobs better. Maybe a sandal with a concrete insole to batter the manager who complains about his Blackberry not turning up?

Anyone who saw the second episode of Peepshow series five must have come across the wonderful character of Dobbie and her, ahem, antics in the cupboard with Mark.
Dobbie clearly puts to rest the stereotype that IT staff are boring fuddy-duddies by proving that techies can seize the moment just as well as those posers in the sales department. If you have had a Dobbie moment at work, e-mail Downtime in confidence.

The whole world is going green in an effort to help save the planet, and the IT sector doing its bit by cutting the amount of power consumed by datacentres, computer processors and the like. Japanese techno wizards may be going a bit too far, however, with their latest plan: putting solar panels into ladies' bras. The idea is that the panels will be able to power iPods and other bits of essential electronic gadgetry. Although the idea, which is being developed by Triumph International Japan, is certainly eco-friendly, it does have certain drawbacks that make support for the bra's further development somewhat unlikely. First among these problems is that the panels do not work unless they are exposed to light. Having said that, perhaps the designers are thinking several moves ahead - if global warming really kicks in then wearing nothing but one's undergarments at swanky soirees may become de rigeur in Milan, darling.

As the government gears up to introduce a super database containing the details of every phone call and e-mail sent in the UK, shady entrepreneurs are no doubt planning the finer points of a brand new industry in alibi construction.
If the law is happy to determine the whereabouts of citizens based on tracking their phones and other mobile devices, it will only be a matter of time before there is a whole service industry based on providing electronic alibis.
There is bound to be a lot of money to be made from taking someone's mobile for a "walk" at an agreed place and time. Anyone looking to make a few extra quid on the side should consider phone walking as an option. Dog walking is so passé.

As well as facing accusations that games such as Grand Theft Auto encourage violence and criminality, Greenpeace is now laying the blame for the state of the environment at the door of console manufacturers. Worse still, consoles could affect sexual development in men, the organisation has warned.
The Greenpeace scientific report Playing Dirty states that video-game consoles have tested positive for hazardous chemicals and materials such as polyvinyl chloride, phthalates, beryllium and bromine.
The report alleges that some consoles contain very high levels of phthalates. Greenpeace warned that one of the phthalates found in the consoles, DEHP, is known to interfere with sexual development in mammals including humans - especially in males.
To be fair to the console manufacturers, the sexual development of keen video-game players has long been questioned, so the danger posed by a dash of bromine may be something of a moot point.

Sticking to this week's theme of undergarments, the ultimate gadget for geek girls may have arrived. Imaginatively named firm Call Me Panty has unveiled a pair of knickers that have a pocket on the front for storing a mobile phone.
As the maker of this item suggests, "Just switch your phone to vibrate." Downtime is just waiting for its review copy to arrive, and will be sure to test the product thoroughly for the benefit of our valued readers.

Downtime wonders if, when Tim Berners Lee first had his lightbulb moment about the worldwide web, he had any inkling of the curious delights Web 2.0 held in store.

Doowop singers, Les Horribles Cernettes - who derived their name from their employer, the CERN laboratory in Switzerland - were the first band to have an internet page. It's probably safe to say this was no coincidence (the worldwide web was apparently built in the room next to the one they rehearsed in), and so it is absolutely fitting they have taken the next logical step and posted a video of the band performing on YouTube.

It seems the girl band - who cover the usual rock'n'roll clichés of colliders, quarks and antiprotons - have also made a podcast for the BBC.

Downtime wonders if, when Tim Berners Lee first had his lightbulb moment about the worldwide web, he had any inkling of the curious delights Web 2.0 held in store.
Doowop singers, Les Horribles Cernettes - who derived their name from their employer, the Cern laboratory in Switzerland - were the first band to have an internet page. It's probably safe to say this was no coincidence (the worldwide web was apparently built in the room next to the one they rehearsed in), and so it is absolutely fitting they have taken the next logical step and posted a video of the band performing on YouTube. It seems the girl band - who cover the usual rock'n'roll clichés of colliders, quarks and antiprotons - have also made a podcast for the BBC.

The truth as told by Office OFFLINE...