Sam was philosophical when I called him in to say goodbye. After all, he has his cottage in Cornwall, flat in Venice, apartments in Corfu, row of houses in Tunbridge Wells and 30% of a holiday village in the Maldives to look after.

I was quizzical: "We don't have any contractors, do we?"

"Yes you do - Sam Pickering."

"Sam's been here longer than I have. You must have it wrong."

This means that my "service realignment" programme has had to be brought forward. I cancelled most of the projects and restricted the service desk to two hours each morning.

Mavis is not happy. I refused to sign her stationery requisition this morning. Well, I think, in these straightened times, we can do without five bottles of nail varnish and three eyeliners.

"Close run thing," I admitted.

"You didn't fancy taking the early retrirement option then?"

"Are you kidding! Have you checked the state of your pension fund, lately?"

The death threats and the Photoshop representation of me swinging from a noose that has replaced the picturesque riverside scene that normally adorns our home page - these I can shurg off. Even the extensive damage to the Jag, which I so unwisely left in the car park after the notices went out on Friday, I can come to terms with.

But the suggestion that I am trying to save my job at the expense of others, well that hurts. Of course I would like to put myself forward and be there, as it were, leading the charge.

Sadly, however, the responsibilities of duty weigh heavily on my shoulders. I must remain to ensure that the essential governance of the service continues. I feel their pain, but must stand aloof. Such is my terrible responsibility of command.

"Mavis - bring me a blindfold and a pin, would you?"

Anyway, it seems we need to retain all the finance staff we have to deal with the budget crisis. Similarly HR cannot be touched as they are needed to draft the redundancy notices. Facilities are outsourced, the lawyers are inviolate as they sue anyone who comes near them and central procurement has set itself a contract with the council that has another 10 years to run and no early termination clause. So, once again IT has to shoulder all the central service cuts.

Typically, they live in the leafy suburbs around London or one of the major financial centres in the provinces, and claim to have incomes around £70k. And yet they seem very eager to work for less than half this amount and, presumably, commute the couple of hundred miles to Bogcaster. Must be something in the wind. Perhaps I ought to start reading the newspapers again.

The first question was, "Are you engaged with the green IT agenda?" suggesting that my interlocutor was not only independent but also pretentious. My answer was, "Only while the pubs are shut."

The keynote speaker this morning was, wait for it... the deputy minister for digital inclusion. There's a famous person for you, boyo. I could not help wondering who the actual minister for digital inclusion was and why we need multiple layer hierarchies of these creatures. Personally, I think it is time they got their finger out. On the other hand, if they are saving villages from dams that would otherwise burst, well then perhaps the public expesne is justified.