Mumsnet members will receive a calendar of the next 10 years and will be asked to fill in days they need a babysitter. A clever matching engine will introduce them to a local hacker who will be forced to babysit for them. After the relevant CRB checks are done obviously.
For the most prolific offenders isolation entertaining ill children and changing real nappies will be enforced.
But of course they could just be forced to become mentors for children. But wait a minute hackers start young these days. Have they thought this through?
We haven't even managed to get mobile payments up and running successfully and the furthest we've really got with fingerprint technology is being able to unlock our expensive iPhone 5s, but an adventurous student at Lund University in Sweden has decided to leap ahead of the trends by demonstrating how it is possible to pay with your hand. Yes, that's right, hand.
This vein scanning technology has been implemented across 15 stores and restaurants around the Lund University campus that use the terminals, with 1,600 active users.
Security is a major advantage of the technique, said Fredrik Leifland, the student behind the biometric technology: "Every individual's vein pattern is completely unique, so there really is no way of committing fraud with this system. You always need your hand scanned for a payment to go through", he clarifies.
"We had to connect all the players ourselves, which was quite complex: the vein scanning terminals, the banks, the stores and the customers. The next step was finding ways of packaging it into a solution that was user friendly."
So if a student from Sweden can get all the players like shops, banks and shops on board, then what is holding up MNOs, banks and stores from implementing NFC banking technology more widely across mobile devices?
Perhaps we will skip right past the 'mobile wallet' and onto the 'body purse'?
If a 35-hour work week and six weeks of paid vacation is not enough reason to move to France, the no email after 18h00 rule is pretty compelling all on its own.
A deal signed by tech industry employers and unions in France means many companies are now forbidden by law to contact employees electronically after six at night.
The new rule has gone down well with workers, but big tech companies are not happy to give up their ability to email workers at all hours.
Others feel France already has too much bureaucracy, but Downtime feels that this latest addition is going to be easy to live with and would be quite welcome elsewhere in Europe.
Workday may not be making any money yet, and may not yet have quite the customer base of Oracle or SAP, but its cloud technology is causing ripples.
That maybe why visitors to Workday's first European conference in London this week, found themselves having to walk past strategically positioned Oracle tricycles on Westminster Bridge.
There were at least a dozen of them tethered to railings opposite the Park Plaza hotel, each with a sandwich board proclaiming that Oracle is number one in talent management.
That might have come as a surprise to Aneel Bhurisi, CEO and co-founder of Workday, who was busy telling IT and HR leaders at Workday Rising Europe that his company was in fact, number one in talent management.
By what can only be coincidence, SAP's HR technology division, bought up the entire advertising space on a web site for UK HR professionals for the duration of Workday's conference. Talk about lucky timing.
But the best prize for over-the-top promotion must go to Oracle. The company hired a posse of actors to pose as Star Wars characters to wow HR and IT directors during another London HR technology conference.
May the workforce be with, Luke.
It was inevitable that fashion designers would jump into the wearable technology trend to make products that normal human beings might actually choose to wear.
Glass users have variously reported getting headaches, funny looks, and even beaten up since taking to the streets, so Google will be hoping to bring a touch of Ray Ban and Oakley cool to its geekwear.
Imagine, if you will, the movie remakes this will allow Hollywood to inflict on us all.
Look - there's Goose and Maverick in the updated Top Gun, singing along to "You've lost that loving feeling" thanks to their Ray Ban Glass Editions karaoke app in a bar, then high-fiving with a yell of "I feel the need, the need to say, hello Glass".
Imagine how different Brat Pack classic The Breakfast Club will be when the Google Ray Bans the errant kids pass round give them all the answers to their homework and they get to leave detention early.
Or worse yet, here come Mr White, Mr Orange, Mr Blonde, Mr Pink, Mr Blue and Mr Brown, black-suited and walking menacingly down the street in the new Reservoir Dogs, bumping into street lamps because they're watching video on their Google Wayfarers instead.
But at least we might be able to sympathise when Mr Blonde tortures his victim by tearing his Google Glass off his face and telling him he looks like an idiot. Now there's a worthy justification for slicing the guy's ear off.
A survey by the Cabinet Office has revealed the most satisfied workers in the country. It seems that IT directors are the 18th happiest group, with a "satisfaction rating" of 7.705 out of 10.
They do lag behind school secretaries - just ahead in 17th - as well as therapists (16th), fitness instructors (15th) and electrical engineers (14th). But they are just above HR directors (19th) and finance directors (20th).
But a future of even greater happiness lies in store for the most exceptional IT leaders - if they get promoted to be chief executive, they will jump up to number two in the list, behind the happiest workers in the UK: clergy.
It's unclear whether praying that your IT systems will work counts as practice for moving up to the happiest job.
Moving down the list confirms that the higher up in IT you are, the happier (as well as better paid) you become. Other IT roles to feature in the list of 274 recognised jobs are:
- Specialist IT managers - 47th
- IT project and programme managers - 82nd
- IT business analysts, architects and systems designers - 93rd
- Programmer and software developers - 117th
- IT operations technicians - 120th
- Telecoms engineers - 140th
- IT & telecoms professionals - 147th
- IT user support technicians - 160th
- Web design and development professionals - 188th
- IT engineers - 243rd
Downtime noted last week that lazy workers taking the day off under the guise of "getting the boiler fixed" could be revealed as a liar by the boiler itself, which will have enough computational power to send an email to the boss telling him it is in perfect working order.
Worryingly for the work-shy is the chip that is swallowed to monitor health. The old fashioned excuse of staying at home because "I am ill" will also be destined for the history books as Proteus Digital Health chips, due for launch this year, inform bosses via a Twitter message that in fact apart from the Vindaloo that is making life inside a little uncomfortable, the excuse maker is in full working order.
An ARM-Powered robot will soon attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the fastest time solving a Rubik's cube.
The robot, which is named The CUBESTORMER 3, uses an ARM-powered Samsung Galaxy S4 in order to analyse the Rubik's cube and instruct on how next to turn the cube.
Unfortunately, the record is likely to spark a family feud as the previous record of 5.27 seconds is held by the robot's predecessor the CubeStormer II.
"We are very confident the robot will break the record," said Dominic Vergine, head of corporate responsibility at ARM, "The new robot can think three times faster than its older brother."
The record attempt will take place at the Big Bang Fair at the NEC in Birmingham on Saturday March 15.
But perhaps the most worrying for some will be the ability of appliances such as a boiler, sending messages. Imagine emailing your boss to tell him you are working from home to get the boiler fixed, only for the boiler to email your boss telling him you are a lying skiver.
"I should know he ran himself a deep bath this morning and I am knackered. And after the winter I have had. I wish he would get me fixed."
The AirPnP is based on AirBnB, which helps people rent property to tourists. It is an app where people can advertise their private toilets for use by the public. No longer will you have to buy a beer in a pub just to have a slash. A method which just delays the inevitable. You can go into a complete strangers house to do the deed, whatever it may be.
The landlords must add details such as cleanliness and toilet paper thickness, whereas strangely the users give no details of what they plan.
Obviously because there is a charge, unless the owner is a scatologist, I can't see people, well men at least, parting with their hard earned cash when there is a perfectly efficient low tech solution.
However there are lots of other uses for a toilet. Have the app makers really thought this through?
The app was designed to address a toilet shortage at the Mardi Gras festival in New Orleans. Apparently if you get caught urinating in the street it's a night in the Orleans Parish Prison. Whereas if you get caught shooting up in a strangers bathroom it just costs you $3.
This is hard work for many. So one company has developed an App for that. Well for automating the sending of lovey dovey messages anyway.
The BroApp, from Australian developers Factorial Products is available in the Android Play Store, allows users to send a series of automated message to girlfriends. Despite the sexist marketing I am sure the App is interoperable for both sexes.
So if you are busy with the neighbours wife/husband, or even taking things into your own hands in private, you will still appear to your partner to be thinking about them at least. The company describes the app it as a way of maximising your relationship. But with who?
Everyone is at panic stations since the revelations of Edward Snowden and the sneaky spying by governments on our communications.
But the industry that has been providing the data to the state are cunning chaps and have turned this into an opportunity to sell us the most private, secure, impenetrable devices known to man!
The latest firm to leap on the fear cycle is Boeing, which used this week's Mobile World Congress to launch its own super smartphone and followed advice from Hollywood movies to prove its safety.
The Boeing Black device encrypts all calls but also has a 'self-destruct' mode where any tampering with the case means all data is deleted and the handset becomes a useless block of plastic.
No doubt, government employees will be attracted to the smartphone, but we think there will be a market for it for the Hollywood stars too. No doubt Jude Law, Sienna Miller and Hugh Grant will be the first ones on the list. Somebody better let Lord Leveson know...
Canterbury Cathedral. View from the north west circa 1890-1900 (retouched from a black & white photograph). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
However, there is a growing trend of seeking out the explicit on mobile phones. Maybe you are on a train, at a bar, in a hotel room or bored during a church service...
Yes, it turns out more and more mobile users are passing the time in the house of God by checking out naughty websites on their smartphones.
But Canterbury Cathedral has said no to such salacious activity and installed a porn blocker on its Wi-Fi network to stop horny parishioners from committing this sin of the (digital) flesh.
"Family-friendly access and legal compliance are very high on our list of priorities," said the Cathedral's IT manager, David Tunbridge.
And rightly so! I mean, who would have ever heard of a man of the cloth taking pleasure in questionable sexual activity...
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