Monday
The man from the government's ID Implementation Organisation
Team and his very expensive router in its special box are still
with us.
He can now tell us what his name is as he was able to access the
National Identity Computer Kernel Engine Database over the weekend.
When he had swiped at it, entered his 84-digit security code and
stared into the retinal scanner, it came up with the goods.
His name is Carmen Miranda, he is 14 years old and came to this
country as a refugee from the War of American Independence in
Botswana.
Tuesday
Sadly we are losing Carmen. The Immigration Service arrived this
morning to take him away. He is being deported to a remote part of
central Asia.
However, his Child Allowance will continue to be paid into my
personal account until he reaches the age of majority, which I
understand is 31 in that country.
This is part of the detail of the new specially negotiated
agreement that allows Britain to deport people on the clear
understanding that they will not be tortured very much at all when
they get home. Moreover, I, as Carmen's designated guardian, now
have certain goat grazing rights in his ancient homeland.
Wednesday
Mavis has kindly agreed to handle the eBay listings for me. I
don't think I should be sullying my hands with that kind of new-new
money stuff.
Thursday
Bids coming in all the time. Quite exciting really. The secret
router box is not doing that well. Mention "government" and "ID
authentication" in the provenance and I am afraid all credibility
is lost.
However, it does look like we might be able to shift it to a
bidder called "Black Dead" who suggests on his site that we "bow to
the 133tness" of his name.
Its not a sale exactly. We are swapping the latest hyper-secure
government gateway for a mixed set of Captain America comics. Not a
bad trade actually.
Friday
With the router sold and dispatched I was able to sit back today
and enjoy the real eBay action. The price has risen steadily,
passing the reserve early on and, with bidding fast and furious,
when the auction finally closed at 5pm today I was well pleased
with the result.
Who would have thought that the right to graze a few goats in a
remote part of a central Asian country would fetch 100 gold pieces,
half a kilo of myrrh, two years' harvest from a small olive grove
and the right to the hand in marriage of any virgin in the
village?
The successful bidder was an Oracle DBA living in Crawley.
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